The Kirill Effect
by Tracy137
Summary: Kirill survives the tunnel in Moscow, but only because of the quick actions of an English nurse. He agrees to help the CIA get Uri Gretkov on one condition he gets to keep Kerry Jefferson, the nurse that helped him.... COMPLETE!
1. Aftermath

**_Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Bourne Supremacy' or any of the film's characters mentioned in this story (big D'uh there!); they belong to Universal Pictures. All I do own is the new story and the original characters. So please do not sue me as I am too poor to pay – if you do, all you could end up winning is a rust bucket of a car and a menagerie of rescued animals that would make a seriously hacked off Kirill seem like a cakewalk:O)_**

**_This story is finished, and I will try and get all the chapters up as soon as possible. It starts directly at the end of 'The Bourne Supremacy'. Hope you all like it. :O>  
_**

_**Summary:** Kirill survives the tunnel in Moscow, but only because of the quick actions of an English nurse. He agrees to help the CIA get Uri Gretkov on one condition; he gets to keep Kerry Jefferson, the nurse that helped him, when he goes into their witness protection programme. These are two damaged people drawn together against their better judgement...the final outcome is anyone's guess._

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

**_THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

**Chapter One – Aftermath**

She dodged past the man with the gun, her heart in her mouth – the other man in the black car was badly hurt, she could see that plainly even if she _hadn't_ been a nurse.

Thankfully the one with the gun ignored her and walked up the off ramp, he was dripping blood and limping – but he _was_ walking, so the guy in the car took precedence.

She turned to her friend "Call the paramedics." Her Russian, whilst fluent, had a different accent to it that gave her away as a foreigner. English actually, but she'd lived here for 8 years; buried herself away from the pain and hurt of her old life.

They got him to the hospital, ironically _her _hospital, and saved his life.

She'd been the one to do the most caring for him, it felt right somehow – and as he slowly began to improve she was happy; happy to have done something right for a change.

God knows she'd spent enough of her free time sat next to his bed chatting to him about all sorts of shit, just trying to keep him tethered to this life – but what for? If it was her she'd be bloody happy to shuffle off; still here she was trying to make sure he hung on too. Maybe she just felt she shouldn't suffer this existence alone – that someone else should be made to stay as she had.

Eventually a woman called Pamela Landy came to see her – the man was an assassin, like the man on the off ramp; they were trusting her with some very classified information because they needed her. It seemed Aleksei Kirill, which was the Russian's name (though he apparently preferred just Kirill), became agitated when anyone else went near him so she was being allocated to care for him alone.

It seemed odd as the other participants of Project Treadstone hadn't formed any emotional attachments, it was part of their conditioning – but, like Bourne, Kirill had been finding the conditioning wasn't holding any more…..not since the accident at least.

He found himself looking for her when she wasn't there – he cursed his weakness for feeling anxious if she wasn't with him; but all he could remember was her soft voice comforting him when he thought he was dying, anchoring him here when he _wanted_ to die and smiling at him when he first opened his eyes.

Her eyes – they were the oddest blue he'd ever seen; almost like slightly faded denim, and had black rings framing them almost like her glasses framed her eyes themselves. She had little crinkles at the corners where she obviously laughed a lot; yet they also looked sad, deep down where you wouldn't normally see unless she was close to you – as she often was with him; giving him water, helping him to sit up – you could see some kind of long resident pain there.

She had a bad scar on her neck that ran into her hairline and a deep one across each wrist. But something about the way she always made sure her hair pretty much covered it, and her wrists usually had a large watch on one and loads of black bracelets on the other made him be, for once in his life, considerate and not ask.

He knew that she was with him alone now when she was at the hospital; that the Americans were involved in that, and other things connected to him – that he had been taken off the hands of his embarrassed government, who were also a little annoyed that his conditioning obviously hadn't been as thorough as Bourne's.

He thought it amusing that they wanted him to be like Bourne, an automatic killer even when he didn't _want_ to be. Whereas he, Kirill, knew _exactly_ what he was doing and accepted it – but in their eyes _that_ was his weakness.

So the Yanks took him, so long as he testified against Uri Gretkov, they'd put him in some witness protection thing and blah, blah, blah……..but then the Landy woman had added that they would let him keep Kerry Jefferson, that was her name apparently, she could arrange it with the British Embassy; wherever he went, she would have to go…….._if_ he testified.

So he did it, he owed the man no loyalty – as soon as he was fit enough, he testified against Gretkov…..who met with a fatal accident on his way to prison after the verdict was given. Kirill hadn't been surprised when he heard; he'd known the government couldn't let his old boss live, he was just _too_ corrupt.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Kerry hadn't been happy when she'd first been told of the 'arrangement' as Pamela Landy had called it; she had stalked into his hospital room, yelling in English because she was so mad "why? Why _me_? I only tried to help you!"

He doubted she'd ever understand how she made him feel – _quiet_; he hadn't been quiet for a very long time. There was always a buzzing in his head; giving him a headache, making his temper flare, sitting in clubs even in the middle of the day so the thumping bass, loud music and vodka shots would drown it out just a bit - making him want to do anything to stop it….……

But with her, it _did_ stop – maybe not totally; but enough for the headache to dwindle, his temper to calm. But he did not tell her that, instead he said "you wouldn't understand."

The slap caught him by surprise, but when she went to do it again he grabbed her wrist "never do that again." He ground out.

"Or what, you'll kill me! Oh yes I know….I know I saved an _assassin_ that was nearly killed by another one!" she all but yelled.

The she let out a squeak of surprise as he tugged her to where his lips were inches from her own, hazel green eyes locked with blue ones as he growled "I would _never_ hurt you." He let her go and she sat on the bed for a moment before, with scarlet cheeks, she got up and walked out.

They didn't speak of it again.

0-0-0-0-0-0

She came in the next day, as instructed, and sat in a chair – she refused to talk to him, either in English or Russian, all day.

So he sat in stony silence too. Pamela Landy watched from the little window in the door "she hasn't even told him she speaks Russian" she shook her head "if they don't kill each other, they might actually make it." She smiled to her aide "but she's got an evil temper….and he's trained to kill, not a good combination really."

Inside the room, silence reigned for another hour then Kerry got up to leave; as she got to the door a quietly spoken, heavily accented "see you tomorrow Kerry" followed her out; she couldn't halt her exasperated snort and chose to ignore his chuckle.

0-0-0-0-0-0

This went on for a fortnight; in the end the CIA agents and the hospital staff all had sweeps going on who would break first. She would come in every day and sit silently reading a book, doing a crossword, or similar. He would sit equally as silently reading a paper or magazine the staff had given him…anything to stop the poor sod just staring at the wall.

By the end of the first week, he was now not even saying goodnight to her – he had no need, they both knew she would have to report back in the morning.

As it was it was Kerry who cracked first….but only when provoked; he had decided to _make_ her talk. So he ripped the pages from the magazine he'd finished, and made paper aeroplanes out of them. He had 65 in total – by 64 she was ready to bludgeon him to death with his IV stand.

"Will you _STOP_ throwing those at me!" she had crumpled them all into little balls as they'd hit her, and now began to throw them at his head – her aim was good.

"You talked first." He grinned in arrogant delight that his little scheme had worked so well, ignoring the paper balls bouncing off his head.

"What?" she was genuinely confused for a moment then, as he continued to grin in triumph, realisation dawned and she glared "oh bugger off you bloody _child_!"

"Niet, _you _lost and I _won_!" he crowed.

"You _cheated_ so it doesn't count!" she argued, throwing the rest of the paper all at once.

"_You _were the one trying to send me to your Coventry…..so therefore _you_ are the child" he pointed out condescendingly.

They spent the rest of the day bickering about it – but when she got up to leave he grinned "Goodnight Kerry, see you tomorrow."

She left muttering about "cheaters never prosper…"

He merely laughed saying he already had.

0-0-0-0-0-0

So life continued; eventually he was fit and testified against Gretkov. The man sat in the defendant's box knowing the assassin's testimony was signing his death warrant, but not a flicker of emotion passed over either man's face.

Kirill refused to have Kerry accompany him "if they see you, you will be in danger from them. Better it is just me."

"Right, so me being made your own personal slave, or whatever you want to call it, is okay and not a threat – but going with you to something that will be emotionally draining and could put your recovery back is?"

"Da."

"You are such a _man_!"

"Good, I am glad you noticed – it seems medical school was not a complete waste for you then." he tilted her chin with his finger as, all mirth gone, he leaned so close you could not see daylight between them and whispered "I would need to feel emotions for them to be drained – thankfully I do not."

She growled her frustration at his pig-headedness………….but let him go alone.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Six months later they were settled in New Zealand. It had been her decision, she liked New Zealand she had said, her parents had taken her there when she was small and she remembered it from the Lord of the Rings movies. There was a lot of space to get lost in, you could be as invisible as you liked there.

He had smiled at the way she was trying to be cool and detached with both him and the CIA people, but her excitement was amusing; he could see that the Landy woman was doing the same as him – her stifled smile spoke reams. She was a decent woman, he wondered how someone that nice had lasted both in her job _and_ staying alive.

But Kerry's excitement had been contagious and he'd found himself agreeing. He knew too that the nurse in her was also silently making sure that if someone _did_ come for them, at least no more innocent bystanders would get killed – four had died in the tunnel – and that would ease her conscience too.

He had also finally found out she spoke fluent Russian when she'd said goodbye to the nurses she knew well at the hospital. He realised that all the times he'd muttered about her in Russian, she'd understood – he smiled, she was a real little spitfire; like Agent Fox had said "Don't piss her off too much Kirill – the woman's got a temper that would make hell shudder; believe me, you haven't see the half of it."

He then went on to tell him how she'd decked a doctor for saying they should have let the assassin die "everyone's entitled to live you piece of shit – if they weren't, trust me, you'd not still be breathing!" she'd spat at him as he sat on the floor nursing a bleeding nose. Fox smiled "she'd have made a brilliant agent."

So here they were; they had a farm with horses, sheep and pigs – though not many of the latter two. She had a large area for vegetables and the sheep and pigs were predominantly for their own consumption. The CIA made sure they had a reasonable income, and he knew he had a fair amount stashed away in a Swiss bank account should their largess ever cease.

They were now called Jessica and Sergei Vasiliev; a married couple from Volvograd in the Caspian Lowlands – they lived on a small (50 acre) remote ranch just outside Haparangi located near Rotorua on the North Island.

Their background story was that they had met when she went out to Russia as foreign exchange student and, despite her being three years older, they had fallen madly in love and married.

Kerry had smiled at the enthusiasm that Pamela Landy had told them the last part, realising that at her core the woman was a bit of a hopeless romantic.

She grasped onto her new identity with gusto, refusing to let Kirill call her Kerry any longer; insisting he call her Jess at all times just as she called him Sergei. He wondered at this and had questioned Landy, knowing she would be aware of all there was to know about his new companion.

She had refused to tell him "you chose her Kirill, you deal with it. But it's bad – she's suffered a….lot. She'll tell you in her own time – it's not my place." She hesitated "but if she has….nightmares, you might want to hug her; she could do with a few hugs I'm sure, despite the cold exterior she projects."

0-0-0-0-0-0

Sure enough one week into their new life he had woke from a dead sleep to her screaming the house down. He was glad that they lived in the middle of nowhere; if they'd lived in a city she would've had brought all their neighbours running, thinking he was murdering her at the very least.

He tried to placate her, but it was obvious that she was verging on hysterics. He had had to restrain her, mainly to stop her injuring herself more than him. It was pitiful to watch; he tried to talk to her, but she twisted and turned away.

Finally he hugged her to him, muttering into her hair in Russian; nothings really - but calmly, the way you would to a beaten dog.

At last she started to quiet and, instead of being rigid against him, she relaxed slightly and mumbled her thanks. She hugged him briefly then settled back to sleep.

This was to set the tone for most of their nights for the foreseeable future. He noted that if she was going to have the nightmare it would occur at precisely 2am; and in the end he found he could not get to sleep until that time had passed, and he'd either dealt with her or she'd slept on undisturbed.

One night he woke to find her wandering around in the dark; she walked into his bedroom and started asking where her grandfather was. She was distraught and kept saying she couldn't understand how he could die and leave her, not when he knew everyone else hated her.

Kirill realised how much she must've loved the old man; and could only wonder at the life she'd had before, that she felt 'everyone' (whoever they were) hated her so much that she couldn't cope with his dying.

Once again he managed to soothe her only by hugging her and settling her on his bed for a little while. Once she had gone back to sleep he picked her up and put her back in her own bed; knowing that she would throw a fit the following morning if she woke to find herself in his……especially as he tended to sleep naked or just in his boxer shorts.

He stifled a smile as he wondered what she would do, and whether he would risk it on another occasion. Maybe it was the fact they had little contact with anyone else, but she was most definitely growing on him…..what was it she'd said only that day – ah yes "you're growing on me Sergei, a bit like a wart."


	2. Nightmares

_**Disclaimer: **As chapter one so _please_, for the love of _God_, don't keep making me write it out people!_

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY:  
THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

_**Chapter Two – Nightmares**_

So time rolled on and suddenly six months had past; they were accepted into the town of Haparangi, attending the socials at the local pub, shopping at the attached store and such – but people rarely bothered them when they weren't there, and they didn't bother with people unless they had to.

They did venture into town once a week to get items they couldn't supply themselves, to sell excess produce to the store come pub (a deal that Jess had struck as she had 'better people skills' than Kirill, as he'd put it) or when they attended the monthly socials; but whenever they did they acted the loved up couple everyone thought they were. As time went on, for Kirill at least, it became less of a pretence and more a reality.

He didn't look much different, perhaps filled out a bit – she'd laughed and said he looked less like an anorexic and just more muscular, when he'd moaned about the weight he'd put on. His hair was a little longer than it used to be too – more spiky now than cropped; she liked it that way and as she was the one who cut it, he went along with it.

But she'd let her hair go back to its natural dark auburn colour (which he liked, a _lot_) instead of the dark blond she used to dye it; and the CIA had got her laser surgery on her eyes so she wouldn't need glasses any more. 

Also over the past six months the work on the ranch had meant she got a lot leaner and muscular – she was still very curvy (he noted with a smile) and she'd never be thin, always stay a little plump; but she looked good.

She still had the nightmares and he would always go to her; her sobs would be so hard as to shake both their bodies and he would comfort her and try to soothe her; his initial detachment had lessened – and certainly as weeks turned to months, it was with increasing concern and sadness on his part that he noted she suffered so.

Pamela Landy had stopped speaking to her on the phone at his request two months before; Jess had more of the nightmares it seemed after one of her calls or infrequent visits. It was almost as if her subconscious was raging against this new life she had made for herself; the contact was a way of reminding her that it was all pretend.

He had grown to like the American agent a little and respect her a little more over the past 10 months in total; she was honourable and in his,_ old_, line of work that was rarer than hen's teeth. He smiled as he used one of the many sayings that Jess used almost daily.

They were very close now; he thought it came with spending 24 hours a day, seven days a week together - with little other outside contact, except the brief weekly visits to town. You basically came to eat, sleep and breathe the other person. He wondered that they never seemed to tire of each other's company, but they didn't; though their rows and arguments were epic.

Landy told them to speak English as much as possible, it would help him fit in more; he wasn't happy about that; especially as Jess was so good at his language, he liked to hear her speak it…..

He also became increasingly curious to find out more of her life before him - one night he found out more than he'd bargained on.

0-0-0-0-0

He'd heard her screaming; it woke him and he sat bolt upright despite being in a dead sleep. He leap out of bed, wondering all the time what had caused this sudden return of the nightmares; it had been at least a month since she'd had one….

"Jess! JESS! I'm here. It's only a dream, just a bad dream." Kirill came skidding into her bedroom barely awake himself, wearing just a pair of boxer shorts; he tried to calm her down. He tried desperately to reassure her even as she crawled away from him backwards over the bed, blind terror etched onto her face as she wedged herself against the headboard.

She was calling for him; and he reverted to Russian, fuck Landy "Jess, Jess I'm here. Look at me, look at me Jess. See? It's me, it's just a nightmare; it's not real". He stroked her foot, then her ankle then her leg, edging closer to her to reassure her it was alright and finally the terror on her face began to fade; she became less rigid and she looked round the room as if recognising where she was. It was usually now she would relax, hug him briefly and, mumbling her thanks, immediately drift off to sleep. 

However, this time was different; this time she wrapped her arms round him, buried her head in his neck and clung on like she was frightened he was going to vanish. The moon was high and full and in its light he lifted her face to reassure her, and was stunned to see tears streaming down her cheeks. He hugged her tight, whispering into her hair that everything was alright; but realised at the same time he'd _never_ seen her cry before.

Eventually the tears abated and, in a stumbling quiet voice, the story of what happened began to spill out at his gentle insistence she tell him. Kirill listened as she told him about the actions that led up to, and including, the activities of the night that led to the nightmares.

"I was 21" she began quietly "when I met him; Lewis Seavers his name was. We were together for about a year. He seemed nice...when we got together anyway. I'd only been seeing him a short time when he started putting me down, quickly it progressed to hitting me. I'd never rebelled in my life and I think that, as my parents hated him so much, that was why I wanted to be with him. 

I'd always been the good and dutiful daughter up until then – always did the right thing, always what was expected of me. It made me feel like I was being buried alive, and I wanted to show them I could be my own person instead; I didn't want some stupid mundane little life."

She smiled mirthlessly "My granddad always used to tell me when I was small "be careful what you wish for". I should have heeded him; coz look at me now, my life is anything but mundane." She sighed and held him a little tighter.

"Eventually Lewis' violence became too much. I had to wear what he told me, do what he told me, say what he told me, and even bloody _think_ what he told me, just to avoid another 'punishment' for "winding him up"; but I realised, eventually, that _nothing_ was ever going to be good enough and if I didn't get away from him I'd end up in hospital or dead" she shook her head bitterly.

"He was so angry; but I stuck to my guns. He tried to threaten me, cajole me, and then just walked off; I felt _so_ relieved. But he was just biding his time. I went to a nightclub for my 22nd birthday; it was my first and only visit to one. I went with the few friends my parents allowed me to have; it was a new club in a disused factory. I thought it was so brilliant." she smiled at the memory. 

About 2:00am he turned up with a few mates; he said in court he was drunk, but he wasn't. He made a big scene, and my friends were getting scared, then he said if I went outside to talk to him, he'd go. He just wanted to make sure I hadn't dumped him for someone else, or because of my parents.

Like an idiot I agreed. When we got outside he wandered away from the bouncers, saying he didn't want them listening. Before I realised it we were at the corner of the building and he just grabbed me by my hair. 

I never got a chance to scream before he punched me in the face. I just remember thinking if I fell down he'd kill me. I tried to stay upright, to fight back; but he was so vicious I couldn't, and once I was on the ground he was like an animal." Kirill felt her shudder at the memory. 

He went to hug her again as she sat back, but she put her free hand on his bare chest to stop him though still holding his hand as, lost in the memory of what happened, she continued "eventually I thought if I lay still and tried not to breathe he'd think I was dead and leave. At that point he stamped on my legs again…….."

Kirill remained motionless, but kept hold of her hand "thankfully at that point I gave up to the blackness, all I was aware of was his weight pressing on me…..but…but….they told me…..afterwards….."

She faltered, and Kirill felt his skin chill as the cold realisation of what she was trying to say dawned on him "If you'd rather stop now, I get what happened."

But still she continued, almost compelled to tell him everything now she'd started "they told me……he…..raped me. He also found a piece of broken bottle; that's how I ended up with this" she gestured vaguely to the scar on her neck. He'd always wondered how she'd got it, it was such a vicious scar for an accident as she'd always maintained until that moment.

"All the time he was beating me and….and……everything else, he kept repeating "if I can't have you no one will, if I can't have you no one will". Eventually two couples walking past saw him….on top of me…. and ran over, chasing him off. Basically they saved me. The worst thing was…." The tears welled again "he later told police that he thought I was already dead when he…….he…" she couldn't bring herself to say it again "he said he did it then because he thought I wouldn't get pregnant if I was dead…"

If he'd met Lewis Seavers at that moment, Kirill would have killed him and felt not a moment's remorse for ridding the world of someone who truly deserved to die. But Jess was still talking, still telling him about that night and what came after "….an ambulance was called for…I was rushed to A&E at the local hospital. It was touch and go apparently; I had so many injuries they didn't know where to start."

She nodded her head at the memory, calmer now "I was a total mess – I had a broken left foot, compound fracture of my left calf, shattered left kneecap, broken tibia in my right calf, compound fracture of the femur in my left thigh; apparently they could've amputated my left leg in three different places without once cutting through bone."

Kirill looked at the deep vivid scar that ran from her calf up to her mid thigh on her left leg "my right thigh was also broken– all this was from where he'd stamped on my legs; because of the way I was lying, my left one took the brunt." 

She sighed "Most of my ribs were broken or fractured and one had punctured my left lung. Both my arms were broken and my left elbow and shoulder were dislocated. I had a fractured collarbone from where he kicked me, broken jaw and a broken cheekbone" she smiled sadly "they had no idea how he didn't break my nose."

He sat holding her gaze as well as her hand, slightly surprised at the matter of fact way she was now talking about it; almost as if she was talking about someone else. He realised this was her coping mechanism; and why she had so utterly bought into the new identity, a chance to completely escape her old life.

He knew her parents had been told that she'd been killed in a car accident in Moscow, and a Jane Doe's body had been sent home in a sealed casket due to 'facial injuries'; he still wondered why she wasn't bothered about them.

But Jess was carrying on and he soon found out "…….I was in intensive care for 2 weeks, and in a ward for 3 months; though I was in a physio and rehabilitation unit for nearly 3 months after that, mainly due to my left leg – I still get problems with it. My knee's painful and the whole thing aches in the wet. 

I was in hospital for a total of 6 months. The court case was hard, but I went as I wanted the jury to really _see_ what he'd done to me, not just have a list of injuries rattled off. He was eventually found guilty and sent down for 10 years; though he only served 5."

"What happened to him?" he asked quietly.

"He's dead. When he was released he started dating another girl. He beat her, oh not like me, just gave her a black eye and split lip thank God. But she had two brothers who decided to take matters into their own hands; they'd heard about me and were not about to let their little sister end up the same way. 

They followed him to a local pub he frequented, and when he came out they ran him over; simple as that. Nothing could be proved; I only know because one of them told a friend who phoned and told me, so that I wouldn't be frightened of him coming after me again."

"Were you happy? That he'd died I mean?"

"No," she shook her head vacantly "I didn't care." She saw the look on his face "Really; I wasn't happy _or _sad. I didn't hate him for what he'd done and I didn't love him either. I felt….nothing" she finished bleakly. 

"Does that make me a horrible person?" she asked, actually looking at him for the first time, her eyes full of hurt "does that make me as bad as him? My parents always blamed me, said it did – that I should feel _something_. They said I should never have dated him in the first place; that by feeling nothing, I was worse than him. 

When I tried to commit suicide a year later" she absently rubbed one of her scars "my mother told me it was self-inflicted pity; that I was weak, a coward. As she said, suicide was a coward's way out, and that's what I was. They never came to the hospital in all the 6 months; except the once, just before I was discharged from the rehab unit. My mother said she found it "too distressing".

My grandfather kept me sane; I would've kept trying to kill myself until I succeeded if it wasn't for him. When he died that was when I bailed – I couldn't stand it any longer. 

They never even came to the court case with me, said it would help make me stronger to go on my own. So it was all my fault, they said so." Her face was hollow with remembered hurt and rejection.

"Niet, it doesn't make you anything of the sort. It wasn't your fault." he said folding her into his arms. This time she didn't stop him and hugged him back. Gently he lifted her face to look at him. 

"How bad is it?" he asked, indicating the scar on her neck, mainly to get her mind away from her crappy family. She blinked, and pulled her pyjama top down. He realised that it ran not just from her shoulder into her hairline, but right down into her left breast. "He did that with a piece of broken bottle?" he asked incredulously. 

"Yes, he was very dedicated" she smiled sadly.

He ran a finger gently along the length of the scar. "It _wasn't_ your fault" he breathed almost to himself.

"Nor yours" she whispered, running a fingertip around his cheek and along his hairline "they made you what you were, Pamela told me – you were conditioned".

He leant gently towards her and kissed her softly on the lips, barely touching them.

She blinked as he moved back, looking unsure, then leant forwards herself and lightly kissed him. She felt him remain motionless; but she kissed him again. As she went to draw away, he followed her. His lips pressed a little longer to hers, she responded to his touch and cupped his face; her fingers running gently over his cheeks and into his hair.

He opened his eyes, the reality of what he was doing hit him – he wanted information, to understand her; not this. What if she hated him tomorrow? They'd come so far in the past six months, why wreck it now? He tried to take her hands off him and push her away.

Keeping eye contact and her hands where they were, she once again kissed his lips; before closing her eyes and leaning against him. Kirill's hand dropped away and began caressing her neck, his kisses becoming more urgent. If she wanted this as much as he did, who was he to argue? His lips pressed against hers, his tongue gently teased her lips apart and then softly found her own. 

She responded - he moved slowly from her lips to her cheek, then her neck; starting at her hairline he kissed her scar all the way down to her breast where it ended. He heard her soft intake of breath, felt her tremble. He hesitated; he knew it had been a long time for her and quite a while for him...…

Jess made the decision. Running her fingers in his hair once more, she eased his face back to hers. She closed her eyes and kissed him again; he responded, this time much more passionately, and gently eased her back onto the bed……………….the last words she coherently remembered was his voice whispering possessively in her ear "mine."


	3. The Morning After

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

**_THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

**Chapter Three – The Morning After**

The next morning Jess woke slowly to the feeling of a heavy weight lying across her waist; her eyes flew open and she froze. His grip instinctively tightened and he muttered something in Russian, though she couldn't make out what it was.

She waited until the body pressing into her back settled once more, and she rolled very slowly to face what she'd always assumed would be her worst nightmare of all………

But having now got herself in a position to have a good look at him; she had to admit, she didn't feel guilty, sick or in any way like she wanted to go and slit her wrists - as she thought she might if they ever did 'it'.

She blushed at the memory, in fact it had been good – oh, who was she kidding? It had been bloody excellent, beyond that even! She could feel a smile tugging at her lips even as she tried to stifle it.

Well, no matter what you might want to fault him on – sex was something he could only ever get A's in, with _lots_ of pluses. It was obviously a subject he was more than happy to work hard at – she smirked at her unintentional pun.

She studied his face – with his eyes shut she could, thankfully, avoid the penetrating gaze of his hazel green eyes. His long dark lashes fanned his cheek; and she stupidly envied him those and his gorgeous cheekbones. Even his stubble suited him – despite the fact her chin and cheeks were sore from where he'd continually kissed her….and _God _that man could kiss. She didn't know what he did with his tongue in her mouth, but it made her toes curl.

'_Stop thinking about it, you are nothing more that a slut!'_ but even as she had the thought of what her mother would say she grinned, and wondered at her insanity as she felt the little whisper in her head say _'you might just end up loving him you idiot'_ and it was right; because he was an assassin – an _assassin_ for God's sake.

Any other time she might think she was rushing the whole 'feelings' thing; thinking that she might end up falling for him – she didn't really do _that_ feeling any more, it wasn't worth the pain; people she loved always left her or treated her badly.

But then they'd ate, slept and breathed each other for a while now; hardly spent a day apart, so it was only to be expected it would happen in one way – and at the end of the day they were stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, if not for good; she knew she knew too much about him, to ever separate – well, to separate and her continue breathing anyway.

But then a new colder thought assailed her _'maybe that was why last night happened?'_ she shuddered _'a case of make do with what you had.'_ Her mother had always told she was stupid, fat and ugly – that being a nurse and helping people would never make up for the shortfall in her character…….

She extricated herself from his arms, threw on some clothes and snatching up her little cd radio and her favourite cd, she tacked up, mounted her horse and rode off; she needed some space and she needed it _now_. She didn't want to be there when he woke up and made it clear that she was just a means to an end.

0-0-0-0-0-0

The first Kirill knew of all this was when he woke up and she was gone. With a sinking feeling he knew his worse fears had been realised.

With a growl of displeasure he thrust the duvet back and got up, throwing on some clothes he went to find her; only to realise that she'd taken her horse, he tacked up too before following her trail. Thank God they'd had a light rainfall during the night and he could clearly see which way she'd gone.

It was the music that caught his attention first – Savage Garden's "To the Moon and Back" was echoing round where she sat on the grass, singing along to it on her CD radio. He had to admit she had a fairly good voice, although she couldn't really hit the high notes, but she sounded very sad.

However he was angry enough not to care what her problem was. "You left – why!" he barked as he flicked off her radio.

"I felt like it!" She snapped back, her eyes flashing angrily.

"Do not give me that attitude Kerry; _you _were the one that ditched _me_ this morning!"

"Jess" she glared "its Jess now, remember _Sergei?"_

"_You_ are _the_ most infuriating woman I have ever met!"

"Met many have you? Your technique implies you've had plenty of practice." Her voice was icy now.

"Is _that_ what this is about? How many lovers I've had before you? Are you really so childish?" he asked incredulously.

"I….oh just leave me alone!" she jumped up and prepared to move away "go find a better looking bit of skirt to shag!"

"What? You worry about my other lovers _looks_? Why!" he was confused and very angry "who did I spend last night with huh!"

"And if you'd had a _choice_!" she rounded on him "if you'd had a choice you would have spent it with someone else and we both know it!"

"How do _you_ know; how do you know what _I_ think!"

"Because I know _you_! You're like all men; you only care about what a woman looks like – nothing else…you…."

"Don't you dare make me like _him_!" he yelled "I am not him – I am not going to _rape_ you!"

"I wouldn't bloody let you, I'd kill you first!"

"You could try – let us remember who is the assassin here!"

She went to slap him and he caught her wrist; hauling her against him he muttered "What did I say about trying to hit me?"

"You….you said you'd never hurt me." She suddenly stammered; realising the truth as to who was the trained killer between them.

"I never said I was going to _hurt_ you." his lips crashed onto hers and almost kissed her breath away. Before she realised what was happening they were on the ground; His hands seemed to be everywhere at once - this was no slow lovemaking like the night before, this was Kirill proving a point.

He had chosen _her_; for better or worse, this was their life now – she was with him regardless.

"Say my name!" he growled against her neck, her hands driving him as insane as his were to her "say it!"

"Sergie! Sergei!" she gasped.

"Niet, say _my_ name! Say my _real_ name…."

"Kirill….._Kirill_!"

"Remember, I choose _you_ – I choose you even then _Kerry_, and I would choose you now." Then all speaking stopped for quite a while.

Later, _much_ later…..as they lay sated, dusty and sweaty – covered only by his horse's blanket – he tugged her to him once more "Mine…." he rumbled against the back of her neck "mine now."

She wanted to, but she didn't believe him……not really; her mother's words still rang in her ears. "You're a coward, only a coward tries to kill themselves – and you couldn't even get that right. You're such a disappointment Kerry; no decent man would want you."

0-0-0-0-0-0

They finally dressed and made their way back to the house where she ran a bath, intending to try and soak away her confusion.

Instead he kicked the door open "no locks in this house any more Kerry. I am done being Mr Nice Man." He stripped off and clambered into the bath; she was only grateful she was small as he filled it up, his legs slotting either side of her and his feel still hung over the edge of the bath "Turn and come here." She did as he bid and he pulled her back against him "Better?"

She sighed and relaxed, this was nice she had to admit – but still…..

"Guy" she smiled suddenly.

"What?"

"No more Mr Nice _Guy_ – not man."

"Ah da, I understand. Better we speak in Russian when here alone da? No more misunderstandings that way Kerry." She nodded and sighed; he rolled his eyes, starting as he meant to go on, he asked in Russian "what now?"

"Nothing." She replied the same, and he smiled ruefully, he did love the way she spoke his language.

"I don't believe you."

"Jess, can you call me Jess…..I don't want to be Kerry any more; I want to be only Jess from now on."

"You hate Kerry that much?" she heard the sympathy in the question.

"Don't feel sorry for me, _don't_!" she felt the tears on her cheeks, heard them dripping into the bath _'how can he bloody do this to me? I've cried more with him in the last two days, than I have in the last 8 years!'_

He said nothing more, only pulled her tighter to him and nuzzled her hair. Somehow, she felt better – only a little bit, but she did.

After their bath, he helped dry her off and then, still wrapped in the towel, he carried her to his bedroom "this will be _our_ room now." His tone brooked no argument; but she still did.

"What if I don't agree?" she arched an eyebrow.

He grinned arrogantly "do you want me to persuade you?" She rolled her eyes as he fetched her some clean clothes "we'll move your other things in here later."

She looked around "how come you got the bigger bedroom? I've been meaning to ask since we got here."

He shrugged "I am bigger…it only followed I should have more space."

She shook her head and, donning her clothes, she went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

He came in behind her; wrapping his arms around her, he grinned as she almost unconsciously leant back against him. But then he sobered "I want to know why you hate yourself so much."

She went to move away, but he stopped her "Niet, do not try to leave….to put distance between us. You can feel this as much as I; this growing attachment between us……..love almost. I want to understand you…Jess, but I can't if you don't let me."

She turned in his arms "my parents hated me. The only one who loved me at all was my granddad, and he died." Her voice was flat, emotionless.

"Why? Why did they hate you?"

"They considered me a failure – when I tried to commit suicide my mother told me I couldn't even get that right, that I was nothing but a disappointment to them and that no decent man would ever want me."

He stared at her "and you believe them?"

"They're my parents Sergei" she was back to his other name as he thought of it; but he let it go, so long as she used his own name when he made love to her he was content – so long as she recognised who it was that drove her mad with passion, lust and perhaps even love; he was happy to be Sergei the rest of the time.

"So?"

"They're meant to be biased in my favour, it's meant to be a parent thing – you know "in a parent's eyes their child can do no wrong"? Except in my lots I could do no right."

He shrugged "Some parents are like that. Mine were the same; I set out to prove them right" he smiled darkly "I think I succeeded beyond all expectations."

She suddenly wrapped her arms round him and laid her head on his chest "No, you're good; way down deep inside maybe, but you are. I see it."

He held his breath both at her action and her words, then wrapped his arms about her too "is that why you keep trying to push me away? You think me one of these 'decent' men your mother spoke of?" She nodded and he laughed mirthlessly, before holding her away from him so he could stare at her "Do not be so foolish Jess, I could tell you stories of things I did as an assassin that would make you gag. I am not a 'decent man'; I am just a man…..just me."

She shook her head "that's not how I see you – I see a good looking, enigmatic man that could have his pick of women and who got stuck with me…."

"Not true" he shook her slightly "I _chose_ you Jess, I know Landy told you that, because otherwise why come and tell me off like you did? So you know I chose you – I could've left it and stayed on my own, I could've chosen someone else; I didn't. I didn't because you……" he tried to think of a way to make her see "I get this noise in my head, it makes angry – gives me a headache and makes me crazy…..but you make it go away, not completely – but enough for me to think straight, for the headache to dwindle."

She stared and he hugged her to him "I don't want to lose you. Whatever we have here, and I'm not saying I know what it is, but whatever it is I think it's worth keeping."

"Alright…." She nodded "alright. We'll see."


	4. Social

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_** **_Just wanted to say also that the places mentioned in New Zealand and Russia really exist and can be found via google earth - the ranch is based on a real farm I found on a New Zealand real estate agents site._**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

**_THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

**Chapter Four – Social**

So they muddled along for the next three months – they went to a social at the pub in Haparangi as usual. Bernard (or Bernie as he liked to be called), the landlord, had just got a karaoke machine and they insisted she have a go.

She got on the stage and they made her sing Savage Garden's "To the Moon and Back"; when she caught Kirill's eye she blushed scarlet, causing him to laugh out loud.

"Must be their song" Maggie, Bernie's wife, mumbled to him.

"Bit of an odd choice, isn't it?"

"Well, they're younger than us, songs mean different things these days – or perhaps it was playing when something special happened; you heard him laugh, probably it was when they met or something".

Bernie looked heavenward with a grin "who knew I married Cupid?"

They all congratulated her and he said she had a brilliant voice; she slapped his arm, blushing once more, saying he was an old flannel merchant.

The man responded by asking if she could sing anything else? She shook her head; but Maggie said she'd heard her humming some Celtic sounding tune one day in the shop.

Jess just shook her head "that old thing? You wouldn't want to hear that. That's an Enya song that reminds me of my granddad; but it's a bit depressing and this is a fun night."

"What's it called?" Todd, one of the guys who worked at the local garage asked.

Kirill didn't like the interest he'd been trying to take in Jess recently – even coming to the ranch on one occasion, something none did unless invited; even Bernie and Maggie, who the couple considered friends – well, Jess did; he didn't need friends – didn't come uninvited.

Supposedly it was to see if she was okay, as the doc had been out because she'd been really poorly with a severe bout of flu. He'd finally diagnosed her with mild asthma.

"If I Could Be Where You Are."

"Ah go on sing it, love." Bernie cajoled "I love that Enya's music; and we'll not ask you to sing another if you do."

She sighed and made him promise to that, and then began to sing the song. It was sad, Kirill noted; a song about trying to find someone who'd gone. Wanting to be with them, feeling it was through some fault of yours that you couldn't; it summed her up perfectly.

When the last note died away, he glanced around to see there wasn't a dry eye in the place – except his own and hers; he rolled his eyes at the ridiculous emotions in people that let songs make them cry. Even Bernie, the irascible old sod, was swallowing hard and clearing his throat.

"Lordy woman, you're wasted out here." The old man muttered "You sing a load better than them pop stars we have rammed down our throats."

"No, Bernie – I'm crap really. Honest, I can't hold the high notes like I should. Enya sings a good few octaves above mine – but if _I_ tried to do that only a bloody dog would hear me."

Everyone burst out laughing, and Kirill stifled the smirk. She had a very dry wit; it was a shame that she mostly used it to put herself down.

In the three months since their 'argument' as she referred to it, they'd hardly left each other alone. But along with the sex, he had found himself increasingly analysing his feelings for her. Something he was not comfortable with; but yet he felt strangely compelled to do so.

He hated to admit to emotions – something he had pretty much schooled out of himself long before his 'training' – but he felt more for her than friendship; more than the 'friends with benefits' she pretended they were.

She slept in his arms every night, and they bathed together most days – if one went off, the other would seek them out. Once, when she'd been sick, he'd gone alone into town for the supplies and when he came back she was sitting on the porch waiting for him. She'd got up and, sick as she was, had run into his arms.

He'd remembered the warm feeling it had given him as he'd hugged her to him; even as he'd told her off for being out of bed. Lately too, it had bothered him what he'd done to Jason Bourne – he'd been given to wondering if this was how he'd been with the girl he'd seen with him, and knew had died, in Goa.

He wondered what he would do if someone killed Jess, or even hurt her. Deep down he already knew; he would hunt them forever if he had to - slaughter them and everyone and everything they cared about. When he'd told Jess in the pitch dark one night, only about Bourne and the girl though, she had turned and hugged him telling him she didn't care.

He believed her; she had been so fervent in her avowal of it not mattering, he could do nothing else _but_ believe her. They'd made love for hours; almost as if by doing so she could excise the ghosts of his victims, especially _that_ one, which seemed to haunt him these days.

He blamed _her_ of course; she had slipped under his radar and was making him _feel_, making him _care_. But somehow it didn't seem to matter that much any more – anyway the only thing he _really_ cared about was her.

That was why he liked her to call him Kirill as he made love to her; to reaffirm to himself, and her, that it was him….the _real_ him that she gave a damn about, not some figment of a CIA agent's imagination. At those moments; while he called her Jess out loud, in his mind he called her…….Kerry.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Eventually Bernie put the music on and people started dancing. Even Jess and Kirill had a dance after much urging from Maggie; and then had another when a slow number came on and he pulled her onto the dance floor. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leant on him, he rested his head on the top of hers and so they shuffled around – whilst Maggie and Bernie looked on with others, the woman going all gooey at the couple before her.

"Now that's love……don't you think so Bernie? Soul mates if ever I saw 'em." She cooed.

He smiled good-naturedly and pecked her cheek "you read too many bloody soppy romance books, love."

0-0-0-0-0-0

As they left a while later, Todd followed them out "Jess could I have a word?"

She glanced at Kirill who stood passively, his face set into a bland mask – but she knew him well enough by now to know he was pissed off.

"What is it Todd?" she nodded amiably and walked over, though keeping her distance.

He stepped forward and she stepped back; to Kirill it seemed like some kind of weird dance, as they did it a few more times before Todd got the message and sighed "I just wondered if you were okay? You've been ill and not in town so much recently."

"Yeah I'm much better – doc says I've developed asthma, but it's in my family so it wasn't exactly unexpected. Most of my cousins developed it in adulthood." She went to go and then smiled at him "but thanks for asking, now me and Sergei _must_ get home; I'm shattered and the farm won't take care of itself tomorrow because we're tired."

Kirill dipped his head to hide the smirk at the ease with which she lied now, and reckoned he was teaching her well.

She walked over to him and kissed him deeply; he knew it was mostly to prove a point to Todd "Let's go home."

"Let's……..I have plans for you!" he grinned wolfishly at her.

She slapped his arm and returned the grin "You're _insatiable_! We did it this morning."

"Da, and now it is night."

Todd ambled over once more "I might pop out in the week Jess" he ignored Kirill "See how you're doing. Lord knows when you'll get to town again."

She felt, more than saw, Kirill stiffen and touched his arm in warning – but he ignored it and stepped in front of her "Todd, your concern for my _wife_" he emphasised the word, his thick Russian accent – mainly because at home they spoke only Russian and so it had not dwindled – making the words more emphatic "is touching, but she is in the best care she can be….._mine_."

"Yeah, I know - but as a friend I worry."

"As her _husband_ I can say….._don't." _Silently adding _'not if you wish to keep breathing'._

Jess could see this was getting ugly, quickly; she knew about Kirill and she knew his temper – she stepped in front of him now "Todd, it's fine; I appreciate your concern, but really Sergei takes very good care of me" she glanced at Kirill "_very_ good care and I'm fine, I'll be back in as usual now I'm better anyway."

She stepped back to the Russian and grabbed his arm; he wasn't sure if it was to show the other man she was happy with him, or to restrain _him_ as he had the urge to kill Todd - and _she_ knew he could.

Bernie and Maggie came out then "everything alright folks?"

"Yeah, Bernie – Todd was just saying he might pop out to make sure I'm alright, and we were both saying there was no need."

Kirill turned without speaking, but his whole body language spoke of barely suppressed rage, and got in the pick-up truck; slamming the door so hard the vehicle shook.

As she followed him in she heard Bernie say as clear as day "Why do you bother, you daftie? You know they're potty about each other - she ain't going to cheat on him trust me, she'd rather cut her eyes out."

She glanced across at Kirill; but he either hadn't heard or chose to ignore it, he certainly never seemed to register the publican's words.

He tore out of the car park scattering dust and stones; Maggie shook her head at the mechanic "you shouldn't piss him off Toddy – I reckon him's got a brutal temper and she's his make no mistake. I saw that tonight, she likes it too…..the way he's so possessive with her.

He watched her all night; even as other people chatted to him and stuff, he watched – and every so often she'd glance at him to make sure he was still there. Doc said that she frets for him too – the last time he was out there Sergei had come to town; and when he left Jess was insistent, as sick as she was, to go on the porch and wait for him coz, she said, she missed him."

The old lady patted the younger man's arm "So leave 'em be, eh? Let 'em be happy; something tells me they've both suffered a world of hurt in the past – her more'n him too I reckon; they're happy together, so leave 'em be."

Todd wandered off muttering about "some bastards having all the luck."

Maggie turned to her husband "do you think she knows about Todd?"

He nodded "She does now – but she don't like herself much, so don't really believes even Sergei loves her let alone anyone else. Still, I reckon she'll give Toddy a wide berth for a bit just to make sure he gets the message – coz, like you say Mags, she ain't got eyes for no one but her man."

0-0-0-0-0-0

Back in the truck 'her man' wasn't so sure "well, he must have got the idea you liked him from somewhere!"

"Or maybe he was just bloody trying it on!" she glared "don't you _dare_ imply I was leading him on, when you know full sodding well I bloody _wasn't_!"

They travelled the rest of the way in silence. When they got home, she got out of the truck first and stomped into the house – as he finally followed her, after checking on the horses, a cup whistled past his head; hotly pursued by a plate and a few other items of crockery as she raged he was a "total bastard!"

He managed to dodge them, picked her up, putting her over his shoulder – with her kicking and yelling about how she'd kill him while he slept - he carried her into their bedroom; tossing her onto the bed he quickly followed her, pinning her arms to her side as he began kissing her………….she soon lost any ability to do anything except gasp _"Kirill!"_


	5. Hurt

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

**_THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

**Chapter Five – Hurt**

So another four months past; then Pamela called……….and dropped a bombshell on Jess.

Whatever the call had been about she point blank refused to tell Kirill; but it had left her shell-shocked – in the end he had phoned Landy himself.

Her crisp business-like voice answered her 'safe' phone "Landy."

He got straight to the point "Agent Landy…….Kirill here, I understand you telephoned Kerry this morning – she is upset, but refuses to tell me what it is about….."

"And you thought _I_ would?"

"Da, I can see no other way to find out what has happened."

There was a sigh followed by a long silence, finally she said "well, she never asked me _not_ to say anything." Another pause "her parents died – there was a car crash, a bad one. Her mother was killed instantly, her father died in hospital four days later; yesterday actually.

I held off calling until I knew what was going to happen to him – it would've been pointless calling sooner, it wasn't like she could've visited him."

"I see – they were bastards to her, did you know that?" he was glad they were gone; saved him tracking them down one day and doing the job himself.

"I knew something of what happened to her – but no hard and fast details. Did they beat her or something?"

"Not physically niet; but mentally they took her to pieces."

"Ah, I see – well that would explain why, when she left England, she had little or no contact with them for 8 years. Apparently she left after her grandfather died."

"I wonder why she is so upset they're dead?"

"They're still her parents Kirill." Landy murmured quietly "no matter what, they were still all the family she had left. Now she's alone…."

"Niet, she is not – she has…..someone; she has me."

He could almost hear Landy smile down the phone "So you've decided not to kill each other then?"

"Not for now."

She chuckled "good luck Kirill, I'll be in touch as usual in a couple of months."

They rang off.

He stood for a moment formulating a plan, before discarding it and deciding this was one time he had to play it by ear. He'd find her….then he'd decide what to do.

0-0-0-0-0-0

He found her in the hayloft. She was lying back looking at the roof; she never acknowledged his approach merely saying "she went to a lot of trouble for us, didn't she? Pamela I mean. Buying this farm – stuff like that. I wonder why?"

He sat beside her "she likes you."

"What about you?" her gaze flicked to him, before it moved back to the roof.

"I am a necessary evil."

"But you're the reason I'm here at all – I was Joe Public until that day in the tunnel; I was no one, a nothing. Nobody bothered with me; she told me you didn't want anyone else but me to look after you, and then she said that when you left she'd arranged it for me to go with you. It was the agreement to get you to testify."

"Da, so that makes me a necessary evil – they needed me to testify." He hesitated "and I needed you."

She looked fully at him then "_you_ need _me_? Why?"

"I told you, you make the noise in my head quiet – when you're around you make the headache stop, I sleep better." He shrugged "I can't explain it, but you do."

She smiled "it's probably because I'm a nurse – it's a calling."

"I don't believe that – we all choose our own way in this life. I chose to kill, you chose to help. Why?"

It was her turn to shrug "don't know – I suppose I wanted to prove them wrong…." She stopped suddenly, her eyes filled but she didn't cry.

"Why do you mourn them? They treated you so badly – I would not mourn if Agent Landy called to say my parents had died."

"You would; you _think_ you wouldn't, but you would. They were my parents; at the end of the day, beyond anything they said or did, they were still my mum and dad and I loved them."

"They were bastards, remember that if nothing else – from the brief amount I've learnt from you, they did very little to make you happy."

"Of course, you're not at all judgemental." She smiled slightly; referring to an argument they'd had a few days previously.

"Good, I'm glad you finally agree."

She rolled her eyes "yeah you keep telling yourself that."

He leant down and kissed her………………..

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

A while later she was picking hay out of his hair, as he lay on his back with her on top of him. "I've got hay _stuck_ to me." She complained, wriggling around.

"Keep doing that, and you'll have more in a moment." He smirked.

She blushed "you are terrible."

"Why do you blush?" He sat up on his elbows.

"What? I….I don't know – I just do."

He grinned "it's cute."

She tried to move away with a shy smile and even redder cheeks "it's _not_ – there's _nothing _about me that's _cute_. Good Lord, I'm a pathetic old bag; as my parents often reminded me, I am a "total failure and an utter disappointment" what's cute about that?"

"Stop that!" he was suddenly angry at her "stop always putting yourself down! I told you I need you…." he sighed "I've never needed anyone before and I don't know why it's you, but it is."

She looked at him "yes, but you don't like it do you?"

"Niet I don't – but that is to do with me, not you. I don't like relying on people." He returned her gaze "you must think the same; you couldn't rely on your parents for so long."

"Never…I could _never_ rely on them. So yes, I understand that."

He looked thoughtful for a moment "do you think that girl made Bourne feel like this?"

"You said Landy told you he loved her – so probably more I would say."

"Why more?" Hazel green eyes locked with hers.

"We're just friends with benefits, they were a couple in love." Her voice was very quiet.

He tilted her chin with his finger "you are unhappy with this?"

"No, not really" she shook her head "I just realised last night that you and I will never be able to love other people…."

"Is that what you want – to love someone else?"

"Oh I never meant _me_ – listen you're the good looking one; you're the one more likely to catch the eye of some gorgeous, skinny blond….."

He sat up, dumping her onto the loft floor as he started to dress angrily "again with the looks! What is it with you and looks, do I appear that shallow to you; and while we are on the subject what of _you_!"

"What _of _me!"

"You are the one with a good looking man sniffing round you!"

"Oh here we go again!" she rolled her eyes and began dressing too "why are you so sodding jealous of _Todd_! I've made it crystal clear, on the few occasions I've not been able to avoid him since the social, that you and I are very happy and to leave me be." He rose and threw his saddle on his horse, tacking up hurriedly "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to check on the sheep – two ewes are due in the next couple of days I want to make sure they're okay."

"Typical bloody man – start a fight and then sod off when you're not winning!"

He didn't reply, but just rode out of the yard. She let him go and got on with her chores; muttering about "bloody men, and their bloody egos."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She had mucked out the stables, fed all the animals in the yard – including the hens which were her latest acquisition – curried the other two horses and her own (Faith, Hope and Charity; names which caused Kirill to roll his eyes. She merely mentioned he'd called his own horse Zeus – God complex much? But he'd pretended not to hear).

She then went on to clean the house and have a bath (not the same without him) – when her temper finally cooled, she realised he'd been gone 4 hours; that was too long, even if he'd been steaming mad. They'd had more than their fair share of rows, and he'd gone off in fouler tempers than the one he had today and not been this long.

An hour later she was really worrying so, loading their shotgun in case of trouble and ignoring the fact he'd been right when he said one day she'd be grateful he'd taught her to use it, she tacked up Charity and rode out.

There was no real trail to follow; she was sodding useless at that sort of stuff anyway. She was an ex-nurse for God's sake, not bloody Tonto.

She rode around for a couple of hours, seemingly in circles because she kept doubling back to the house in case she'd missed him and he'd got back by then (not hard to imagine given her complete panic and no sense of direction). She always arrived back hopeful he'd come out of the house or barn, giving her a mouthful in Russian for not leaving a note to say where she was going……..but he was never there.

Finally, just as she was about to give up and go get some help from town, she spotted Zeus – he wasn't struggling, but he _was_ making a horrible noise. He was lying on his side and there seemed to be something trapped there too, underneath him.

Her heart in her mouth she urged Charity on and found Kirill trapped under his horse. She checked the Russian, he was unconscious – he had a cut to the back of his head from a small rock, so probably a concussion too, a fractured leg and either fractured or bruised ribs; but he was breathing – she almost cried with relief….but now was not the time for being emotional.

She knew how he would behave and so acted as she thought a Russian assassin would – if Kirill knew, he would probably have laughed as she kept repeating that over and over "he's a Russian _assassin_, what would _he_ do?"

She checked the animal and found he'd badly broken his leg, she took the shotgun and, tears streaming down her cheeks for the creature (who was a proud sod like his owner)…….she shot him.

No doubt the stumble had thrown Kirill, and then the large animal had fallen on him; he might've struggled for a while, making his rider's injuries worse. She tied a rope to her saddle and towed the dead animal off him; there was no need to be gentle, he was unconscious and the animal dead – just do it and get him out.

She should've brought another horse, but she was afraid to go back now in case she couldn't find him again, plus she wasn't sure he'd stay on a saddle unaided. She wished she'd come in the bloody truck…..still, there was no time for "if onlys" right now, she had to get him onto her horse and get him home.

She splinted his leg as best she could, with some strips of blanket (thank God she had her knife on her) and two sticks she found after a bit of hunting – warily checking for spiders, which she pathologically terrified of.

She took the blanket from Zeus and put it over her own saddle, then she tried to get Kirill up…...but it was hopeless, he was nearly 9" taller than her and unconscious; there was no way she could manage this - she was almost crying with frustration.

It was getting dark by now, and she was exhausted. But she wouldn't give in. She stood and thought for a moment, then got her water bottle and a rope from Zeus.

She managed to bring Kirill around a little by splashing the water on his face and then looped the rope under his arms and across the blanket "Sergei….." he didn't respond "Kirill!" she hissed "you _need_ to help me!"

He mumbled something and then growled as the pain in his head, side and leg bit deep "don't put weight on your right leg, it's fractured; you've hurt your ribs too and you have a cut on your head….just hold on while I hoist you up!"

As she tried to do so the blanket slipped; she lowered him gently to the ground, all the while _ordering _him to stay with her (well, she doubted _he_ would ever just ask) – then she moved the blanket further up, before starting the whole process again.

_Finally _she managed to get him across the saddle. She worried about his ribs, but decided this would have to do; draped the blanket over him and made her way home as quick as she could. Thanking God she'd remembered her mobile and that Maggie was on her phone book, she rang her and gabbled out what had happened.

They arrived as quick as they could, with the doc, who said she'd done a good job of bracing his leg (which was indeed fractured he thought) and that he had fractured two ribs, but as they hadn't been broken no damage seemed to have been done to his lung from being slung over her horse.

She murmured her thanks saying thank God her mother had been a nurse and taught her such a lot. The doctor swallowed every word; as the lies rolled off her tongue so easily, she thanked Kirill for teaching her so well.


	6. Worry

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

**_THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

**Chapter Six – Worry**

Todd arrived as the doctor was leaving; having stitched Kirill's head, bandaged his chest and plastered his leg. "Keep an eye on him, he's got a concussion and he'll need rest. I'll come out tomorrow, if he's no better we had better think of going to Rotorua's hospital."

She nodded, but said that with all the training her mother had given her she thought that, unless it was serious, she could look after Sergei very well at home.

He nodded, patted her arm and smiled "you love him very much don't you? If only we all felt like that about our spouse's maybe there wouldn't be so much divorce. You did a very brave thing here today Jess. I hope you tell him how brave you were."

She laughed lightly "I'm his wife Doc; I did what any wife would do for their husband…..as for being brave – _please_! You have no idea how bloody frightened I was, and if I'd been better on a horse and at tracking I'd have found him a damn sight sooner."

"Well, get Rawiri to help on those skills – he's the best tracker I've ever seen." He smiled, knowing the local Maori farmer would be glad to help.

"Yeah, he's a good bloke too – though I know his wife, Pania, better than him." She looked anxiously back at the house "I'd better get back in case he wakes up again….."

"Alright, I'll be back tomorrow." The doctor left.

Todd stepped forward "you shouldn't put yourself down Jess. You did really well out there – I think he was lucky you went looking for him."

"Rubbish, it took me forever to find him. At the end of the day, I could've handled things a lot better than I did." She glanced at the house again "I must get back Todd….."

"If he ever raised his hand to you…"

"What? Oh my God, you think he _hits _me? Sergei never raised his hand to me, _ever_ – he promised me when we met he would never hurt me and he never has, not _once_.

No matter how much we row or argue, he's never done anything like that – I doubt he's even _thought_ it. It's not his way" and she wasn't strictly lying. It _wasn't_ his way; his way to win was to make love to her until she couldn't think straight. She blushed at the memory…..

"Why are you blushing?" Todd demanded "Are you lying?"

"No, Todd I was just remembering what he _does_ do to get round me….."

"Which is?" the mechanic arched an eyebrow.

"Oh believe me it's what all married couples do – it's just he knows it's my Achilles heel where he's concerned, and he's not adverse to using it against me…." She grinned "let's just say I would never have complaints about how good he is in bed…." There was a pause "now _you're_ blushing…"

"Well, it's……I just didn't expect you to be so candid."

"Well, with you giving me the third degree about my marriage I had little choice did I?"

"I just think you could do better than him."

"I don't agree – now, please Todd, leave it. I will never leave Sergei and he'll never leave me" she hurried inside, wondering if she was still lying.

Maggie met her at the door "he's very restless love….keeps mumbling, but I can't make out what he's saying."

"Probably Russian." Jess smiled worriedly and hurried in to him. She hoped he wasn't saying too much about them.

He _was_ muttering in Russian, something about always choosing Kerry and why didn't she believe him? That he'd give Todd a good hiding or kill him or both. He sounded exasperated; she smiled and stroked his face, good to know she was still on his mind and driving him crazy.

"I'll be alright Maggie – honestly, thanks for everything, but you and Bernie have stuff to do. You don't need to hang around, can you just make sure that Todd goes with you" she sighed irritatedly "he's pissing me off now to be honest."

"Alright love, we'll get off – I'll ring you later yeah? Then if you need anything Bernie can fetch it over, save you leavin' your man alright?"

Jess swung her blue eyes up to meet the older woman's kindly brown ones "_Not_ Todd alright – I think he and I should be giving each other a wide berth for a bit. If Bernie can't do it, I'll find a way to get there or go without. At the end of the day Maggie I'm with Sergei here and that's the way it's going to stay – _forever_. If Todd can't accept that then we're going to fall out big style, coz I'm done playing nice okay?"

Maggie patted her arm and nodded; when she got outside she walked up to the mechanic and cuffed his head "OWWW! What was that for!" he spun round on her.

"You've made her bloody uncomfortable you little shit, and hasn't she suffered enough – haven't they _both?_!" she related the conversation she had with the younger woman "Get it into your thick skull" she prodded his head with a bony finger making him flinch once more "she loves _him_, she is with _him_, and that's the way it's going to stay!"

She stalked past both him and Bernie "Bloody men! Never get it do you; can't believe a bloody woman loves another bloke and not you!"

Bernie rolled his eyes "thanks mate – she's going to be in a right mood all bloody night now!" he cuffed the man's head too as he left.

Todd sighed and got in his truck; casting one long look at the house, he drove off.

Hearing the trucks leave Jess heaved a sigh of relief; before a familiar voice mumbled "Zeus?"

She was sat by his bed holding his hand and now looked at the floor "he's….he's dead….I…..had to shoot him. He'd broken his leg really badly Kirill." She reverted to his name now, knowing he preferred it and finally giving in – at home anyway; everywhere else he'd remain Sergei.

He looked at her "you did the right thing – he would suffer, that would be cruel." He raised shaky fingers to feel his head "what happened?"

She outlined briefly what had been surmised took place, and how she'd found him and got him back. Hazel green eyes regarded her "you did well."

She blushed slightly, knowing that for anyone else it would as good as a ticker tape parade – especially if you added in the warmth in his eyes.

"I'm…..I'm sorry about Zeus….if I could've done…." A finger pressed itself to her lips.

"It's alright, if his leg was broken you did him a kindness." He shuffled awkwardly in the bed to make space "come, I am lonely here all by myself."

"You're injured Kirill – if you even _think_ about shagging me you're liable to explode or something." She admonished him.

"I do not think about sex all the time Jess……well, not _quite_ all of it anyway." He smirked and then flinched "it hurts to smirk."

"Oh well, we'll have to cut back on your gloating opportunities then." But she lay down next to him, hiding the smile as he sighed and relaxed.

"Doc thinks if you haven't improved too much by tomorrow we should take you to Rotorua's hospital."

His grip on her tightened "I am not leaving you; a fractured leg, a few knocked ribs and a concussion is not enough."

She smiled against his shoulder "No, I said that."

"Did they not query your nursing abilities?"

"They did."

"And?"

"I told them that my mother was a nurse and had taught me a lot."

He smiled "you are learning so well – I'll make an agent of you yet."

"If you'd seen the state of me when I was looking for you, you might want to rethink that."

"You were worried?" It was asked lightly enough, but the hidden question was also apparent.

She sighed "I thought we were cutting back on your gloating time?"

"So you were?" he couldn't help the gloat, though tried to hide the smirk.

"I plead the fifth." She tucked her head further into his neck.

"That is an American amendment – you are English and I am Russian; it doesn't count." He pointed out.

"Right, fine – I was worried! Alright, I was _beyond _worried; I was frantic!" she gave in ungracefully.

"Ah……"

"But before you go all doe eyed on me, its only coz you're so good in the sack!" she muttered.

He chuckled, despite the pain, as he felt the heat from her cheeks warm his skin.

"Good to know I excel at something – shame I cannot practice some more for a few days…"

"Try a few _weeks_ – you're sick, so 'it's' rationed until you're well."

He nuzzled her hair "you would be amazed how quickly I can recover when I have an incentive…."

She laughed then "You're incorrigible!"

"Da, but you love it" He tucked her into him, as he drifted back to sleep…..

0-0-0-0-0

It was a few hours later, when he woke to find her gone that he panicked slightly "Jess? _JESS!"_

"What!" she flew into the room, wearing her shortie pyjamas and dripping toothpaste everywhere "what is it?"

"I wondered where you'd gone." He gathered himself "I don't want you getting lost on the way to the kitchen." He stared at her "you look like you have rabies……"

"Oh laugh it up, Rusky boy – I was cleaning my teeth. As for the other, at least I found your sorry butt!" she stalked out and back to the bathroom…..just as he called her back.

"JESS!"

"_What_!"

"Do you _have_ to wear those?"

She looked down "Wear what?"

"Those - those pyjamas?"

"What else should I wear?"

"They…um….are very……hot."

"_Hot?__These_ are _hot!_" she looked down at the little jersey t-shirt and matching cotton women's boxer shorts "Are you _mad?_ I mean has that blow to the head addled your brain?"

"They make you look sexy……"

"But they're old, and cotton and……..well, just _not_ sexy."

"To you; but to me they make you look hot."

"So what do I wear instead?"

"Have you any negligee's or silky nighties?"

"You wouldn't find _those_ sexy?"

"Niet."

"Well live with it, deal with it and move on – coz this is all I have; and you're sick on many, _many_ levels to find this rig out sexy Kirill."

She went and sorted herself out and came back to bed. Snuggling up to him as tight as she dared without hurting him, she kissed his neck "Goodnight."

"You're doing it on purpose now."

"Yeah, ain't gloating a bitch?" she smirked.

He grinned in the darkness…….


	7. Better

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

**_THE KIRILL EFFECT_**

**Chapter Seven – Better**

She awoke next morning to find him trying to get up "What in the hell are you doing, you raving Russian?" She leapt out of bed and tried to make him lay down.

"If I'm up the Doc won't make me go to hospital."

"Listen, you are loads better already – he's not going to take up a perfectly good hospital bed if you don't need it."

He looked at her, weighing up what she said "you think not?"

"I do."

Just then Bernie called out "Hey, anyone home!"

Followed by Maggie "where else they gonna be you big idiot! It's not like they could've gone out on the razzle is it!"

Bernie's muttered reply went drifting off "We're in the bedroom, is the Doc with you?" Jess called.

"Yeah love, is that alright?"

"Fine – let me drag some clothes on, and he's all yours Doc."

"Fine, that's fine Jess."

She paused "no one else?"

Maggie heard the concern, and reassured her "No love, no."

"Thank God…" she muttered to the ceiling.

"I heard you outside with him, I was just starting to come round; we will speak of it later."

She sighed _'bugger; unconscious for bloody hours and then starts to come round at just the wrong moment!'_

She went to go out; but he caught her hand and their eyes locked "I……."

"Sergei! Goodness you look better!" The Doc came in all smiles, Jess leant down and kissed Kirill's cheek, as he frowned at being cut off, then left.

Doctor Gillespie watched her go "she loves you very much doesn't she?"

Kirill arched an eyebrow "Da, she is my wife; why wouldn't she?"

"Ah, but you didn't see the state she was in yesterday – even so, she managed to make you comfortable very efficiently." The medic smiled "she has the makings of a damn fine nurse if she wanted. Her mother must've been a good one."

Kirill smiled "let us just say she had a good teacher." He thought for a moment, a little confused – Jess hadn't been that worried when he'd been in the tunnel; he knew that from the way she'd been with him in the hospital, and he'd nearly died then "was she truly frantic?"

"Oh yes, when she first phoned the store it took her a while to make herself understood." He chuckled "After first Maggie thought she'd shot _you_ because you had a broken leg, then she realised Jess meant Zeus." He sobered "sorry about your horse, Sergei."

Kirill dismissed it "She did the right thing; to leave him would have been very cruel."

"Bernie said she did it with one shot to the head. He wouldn't have known a thing."

"She is a quick study." He saw the quizzical look from the doctor and lied easily "my family did not always live in Moscow – they used to own a wheat farm in the country…..we occasionally hunted rabbits and such when money was scarce and we needed meat; I taught her how to handle the shotgun."

"Ah, I see….well" he looked the younger man up and down "you look like you've done okay since then."

Kirill smiled inwardly at how easily deceived these people were.

0-0-0-0-0

A short while later the Doc came out and told Jess that "Sergei will be fine; and there's no need for hospitals". He went on to add "he seems to think he has something to get well for…." Then saw her blush and smile; he grinned "oh I _see_, well a healthy sex life _is_ good – but I trust you to make sure that he's fully recovered before any hanky panky ensues!" and went off laughing.

After Maggie and Bernie helped her put the groceries away, they too took their leave; Jess was more than grateful for their friendship at that moment, and impulsively hugged them both "if I had parents like you two, I'd be so thrilled."

Maggie felt tears rush to her eyes as the heartfelt words and spontaneous affection from the usually emotionally reticent woman – she knew Jess usually held her feelings in check for all but Sergei. They had the most intense relationship the older woman had ever seen and, maybe stupidly, she envied it. Not that she wasn't happy with Bernie; but this couple knew each other down to the depths, good _and_ bad.

So for Jess to suddenly say something so sweet and hug them like that, well…….she could see that even Bernie was choked. They left promising to keep in touch by phone, and come back straight away if she needed them.

0-0-0-0-0-0

After they'd gone she went back into Kirill "What?" she saw the look on his face.

"You like them a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do. She's read Todd a bigger riot act than even I did – hence the reason he's not here. Apparently he's gone to visit his sister in Auckland, left his brother running the garage; and they really came through for me here when I first got you back."

"Oh..."

"Oh what?"

"I was looking forward to killing him." then he arched an eyebrow "You read him the riot act?"

Too late Jess realised the trap "Umm, well – yeah; But he was pissing me off." She smiled "Do you know he thought you _beat_ me!"

"_What?_ Why would he think that?" Kirill's eyes narrowed and he hissed in pain as he tried to sit up.

"Oh now you think _I_ led him to believe you _beat_ me!" She asked incredulously; endeavouring to restrain him.

"Niet, but I think he has reasons to believe such idiocy."

"Yes, apparently you are too possessive."

"I see…." He eyed her speculatively "What do _you_ think?"

She wouldn't look at him "I….I well….I like it actually."

"Really?" he arched an eyebrow "why?"

"You make me feel….safe."

"Well, I am tall and intimidating – it is easy to see why you would feel so wonderful with me."

"Wow….." she looked at him wide-eyed and shocked.

"What?" He fell for it, eyeing her in concern.

"Your ego; for a moment there I thought it'd swallow your head" she rolled her eyes "oh not wait, even _your _ego isn't _that_ big!" He went to move and groaned "Ah, see – about 8 weeks of tormenting ahead and you can do _nothing_ about it. Well, they do say every cloud has a silver lining."

He gave her a look "and mine will come when I can."

She fell about laughing "yeah; and that will be a long time _coming_…."

"You think you are funny?"

"Yup……"

He rolled his eyes "Do I get a kiss, or is that forbidden also?"

"Only if you promise faithfully to keep your tongue in your own mouth."

"Why?"

"Oh just because…."

"That is not a reason."

"It's the only one you're getting…" she kissed him; 5 minutes later she would have happily told him the secrets of her soul. "You cheated" she finally managed.

"I was an _assassin_ – what else would I do?"

He smiled when he found out the reason though – thoroughly checking later, he saw her toes really _did_ curl.

0-0-0-0-0-0

So they carried on……….another 6 weeks had passed. She had really piled on the pain for her erstwhile companion in that time.

Strutting around with hardly anything on, pretending to be dreaming about him making love to her when she knew he was awake……oh, the list was endless – but the best was her pyjamas. She knew now they genuinely drove him crazy, although for the life of her she couldn't understand why.

They'd still shared the bed; he couldn't sleep without her there, and neither could she unless she was with him. Of course they were nothing more than 'friends with benefits' as she put it back in the early days, and still maintained.

So he'd bided his time – biting his lip, and taking so many cold baths that she was beginning to seriously worry he was in danger of developing pneumonia.

But he told the Doc not to say anything about his mending quickly. He made the gullible man believe he was planning something romantic to mark his being well enough to get about a bit more – though with the crutches and his ribs pretty much healed now, he was doing that anyway.

He was also still able to kiss her – he knew that she loved the way he did that and, as she wouldn't let him do anything else, he made sure he put all he could into that; usually leaving her so breathless he thought she'd pass out.

However, this one night was going to be his – he waited until she came back to the house having finished the last of the chores, and was waiting behind the door; the waiting all day for the 'helpful' phone calls from Maggie and Bernie to stop, chores to be done and another myriad of boring tasks nearly drove his desire beyond control…..but control was one thing Kirill still prided himself on.

Every tease had been carefully filed away; every cold bath, every dead-ended kiss – all had been kept for this moment; now it was _payback._

He pushed the door shut and locked it. She looked surprised to see him standing with only one crutch – he'd got himself down to his boxers and the way he was looking at her caused her to swallow nervously "Kirill, you're still hurt…." She backed up only to find herself trapped against the wall.

"I am glad you don't call me Sergei when we're alone anymore." He whispered, his breath now tickling her ear. He moved so he had a hand either side of her head, the crutches discarded by the table.

She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. He was so predatory she had to fight the urge to turn and run; just the look he was giving her was turning her legs to jelly.

Suddenly his eyes softened and he smiled, albeit a bit wolfishly "I said I'd never hurt you – but I never said I wouldn't make you scream….." as the weight of what he meant hit home, she tried to duck below his arms; but they slid to block her path.

His lips hovered millimetres from hers, he dipped his head to look her in the eye "I'm not that hurt anymore – got the all clear for 'it' from the Doc today…" that wasn't strictly true, but who cared as now his hands began to wander "it's been 6 weeks……6 _weeks_ of teasing, and I've saved every one up – every tease needs retribution, don't you agree?" his lips closed the gap before she could answer.

He _did_ make her scream, and he _didn't_ hurt her – he also made her toes curl more than once…..and _not_ just with kisses.


	8. Changes

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

_**THE KIRILL EFFECT**_

**Chapter Eight – Changes**

A long time later, just as dawn was creeping through the window, they finally fell asleep. Instead of spooning her back as he generally did, this time he pulled her against him so she snuggled up.

As she went to put her pyjamas on he stopped her "are you truly insatiable woman?"

"Kirill they're just cotton/jersey pj's."

"Da, and you look deeply sexy in them." He sighed and tugged her naked body against his own "I am not one for sexy underwear and alluring nightwear; the same with day clothes.

Your pj's as you call them, your plain white underwear, jeans and shirts as well as those clompy black boots are more of a turn on to me than sexy negligees, skimpy thongs, short skirts and such. I don't know why, but they are…..when you're dressed like that, I spend all day trying to keep my hands off you."

She grinned against his shoulder "right, well, as we're being so honest, can you _not_ wear that old trench coat anymore."

"What trench coat?"

"The dark brown leather one."

"But that is so old and battered – I've had it forever."

"Yes, well – it has the same effect on me as my stuff does on you."

"Anything else?" he asked amused.

"Well…" she blushed "those jeans with the rips in the knees; oh and can you _not _walk barefoot round the house…"

"barefoot?"

"You….well, you're feet are…..sexy and...they make me think of your legs….and….higher" he could feel her face burning.

"I can do most of that, but not the feet." He paused "they're attached to me." He turned slightly to pull her tight against him "by the way, did the punishment befit the crime?"

He felt her grin widely "let's just say I must misbehave more often." Both knew the now 'forbidden' clothes on both sides would be worn a lot more.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Soon it was a surprise for them both that they'd been there 18 months. Pamela Landy didn't call so much now; in fact her last call had been in June and it was now Christmas.

So their life seemed even more as if it had always been this way. She had their marriage certificate, her wedding and engagement rings were firmly entrenched on her finger; her birth certificate had her down as Jessica Louise Meadows (though it was a new one having her mother's occupation as a nurse; after she phoned Pamela and told her of her lie to the Doc, Maggie and Bernie.

Agent Landy said she had done well to think on her feet like that – Jess palmed it off on Kirill saying he was a good teacher; Pamela had smiled and said nothing about the warmth in the other woman's voice when she mentioned the ex-assassin.)

In fact the only give-away for her, was the fact that she called him Kirill when they were alone and Sergei when they weren't. For her part she had remained Jess, but he understood why now; though in his own mind she would always be his Kerry.

And he did think of her as 'his' now; they had a sex life that most people would envy, she was as good as his wife anyway; she'd bring him cups of coffee, or a sandwich when he was working. He might be sat reading a book of an evening and as she passed he'd grab her and pull her into his lap, kissing her and nuzzling her hair before releasing her with a grin to totter off in a haze. He'd cook if she was tired, something she was a lot lately; or bring her breakfast in bed if he was feeling like a lazy morning with her.

Sometimes they'd sleep outside at night and make love; or curl up together in front of the fire, using only its glow to see each other and let their hands map their bodies. He knew every bit of her now; every inch of skin, every freckle.

The only give-away for him was the intensity to their relationship. A dependency and depth of caring that was brought on by two people finding themselves in identical life-changing circumstances, and knowing they only had each other to trust.

He knew he should feel guilty that she was only in this situation because of him; but he didn't. He didn't care, he needed her and that was enough; besides he knew now her old life was shit and in a way she was better off with him. He knew she was happy; the nightmares had all but stopped, maybe just the odd one a month now – she even sang a bit.

Not always the sad songs either – though she still blushed when she heard 'To the Moon and Back' by Savage Garden anywhere but at home; and if at home….well….they certainly had fun recreating _that_ occasion. In a way that song had become theirs, it was the first time he had really shown her how deeply she affected him; he had made love to her the night before, but that day he had shown her he really _needed_ her.

Of course she still maintained they were 'friends with benefits', despite all the evidence to the contrary and he let her continue to delude herself – there would soon come a point when she would have to face what they really were to each other.

_He_ had – he'd faced it that day she'd found him injured; being hurt, trapped under a heavy horse that was screaming in pain and fright, and figuring you're going to die has a marvellous way of focusing the mind.

When he realised that all he was worried about was her; leaving her alone (and at the mercy of the odious Todd), not wanting to die without seeing her again, cursing Zeus for tripping over such a little rock and causing all this – it was then he faced the fact he loved her. More than loved her, he _breathed_ her. She was every beat of his heart; every fibre of him _was_ her.

He didn't know when he began to feel like that about her, but knowing he felt it now was enough - he'd learnt that in his old job, forget the past and don't worry about the future; just enjoy the right now.

So here he was waiting for her to catch up; when she did it was in an unexpected way and not without their usual misunderstandings.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Jess' heart was in her mouth as she grabbed the truck keys and made her way to town. She was thanking God Kirill was out checking on the stock – she needed to sort this asap and then get her head around the fallout.

She ran into the store and spotted Maggie – sighing in relief she trotted over "Mags? Can I have a word?" she nodded and smiled at Mrs Johnson from the nearby Cambara Farm she ran with her husband.

Maggie could see the worry in the younger woman's face and called Bernie in "take over Bernie, our Jessie wants a natter."

The look from his wife told him not to argue and he got old Taylor to take over the bar whilst he ran the shop.

Maggie took Jess into the back room "what's up love?" she peered round her "Your Sergei not with you?" she directed her attention back to the younger woman before her "you not had another row yet have you?" the couple's fallings out were as legendary in Haparangi, as their making up.

More than a few people had seen them by the store or the bar arguing in fluent Russian, only for her to go stomping off and him to follow her - or vice versa - before hauling her into his arms and kissing her to the point where a lot of women, regardless of age, sighed and smiled dreamily before punching their partners and hissing "why don't you kiss _me_ like that?"

"No Maggie – we're fine. It's just that…" she took a deep breath "I think I might be pregnant."

"Oh lovey, that's _wonderful_!" Maggie hugged her then stopped, a concerned look in her eyes once more "aren't you happy? Do you not want kids, either of you?"

"Well, we've not really talked about it – you see…" she began to rattle off her cover story that Pamela Landy had helped her concoct to cover the rape and beating, even her medical records had been altered "I was in a severe car accident when I was 22.

Not only did I have a lot injuries like broken bones and stuff, I had a lot of internal injuries too. I was told a year later I couldn't have kids……not _ever._"

"Ah, and you're not sure if Sergei wants them?"

She shook her head "I'm happy Maggie – for the first time in my life, I'm _really_ happy – I got Sergei first and foremost; but I got you and Bernie too – that's important to me. I've not felt like this about people since my granddad died."

She sighed and shook her head with a rueful smile "I swore no one would get near me again. People I loved always left me……"

"What about your parents?" Maggie kept the catch in her voice under control at the girl's heartfelt words.

"They're dead, died in a car accident – not mine, another." It wasn't a lie "you lot got under my radar though; first Sergei and then you two. I should be angry, but I'm not; and now I don't want anything to wreck it."

"Well, you'll always have me and my Bernie. But you'll always have your fella too; trust me girl – he'd rather cut his heart out than lose you." Jess looked at her disbelievingly "Oh I know he don't say it in words; but his body language shouts it – every movement, every look is aimed at you. I know you like his possessiveness, but that says a lot about you both too; most women would go mad, but you don't."

Jess smiled "No, I don't – I didn't have an….easy relationship with my parents Maggie; my granddad was all my world to me, but then he was gone. So to have someone like Sergei, who watches out for me, has total faith in me, trusts me with his life and looks after mine…..well, that means a lot to me. So the fact he likes me with him so much is alright with me coz I like to _be_ with him."

Maggie stood up "do the test and we'll take it from there."

A few minutes later, having taken two tests to be sure, they finally knew – Jess looked at her watch and stood up, patting Maggie on the arm "he'll be back by now and not best pleased I took off without him, better go back and face the music."

They had a brief chat and then Jess said she really must go.

"Alright love…" but Maggie caught her arm "Jess….look, I know you're like your fella, not into hearts and flowers and such – but I just wanted to let you know that Bernie and I could never have kids…..and we like you a hellava lot too, if you get my meaning."

Jess shot back and hugged her "you'd have been a brilliant mum Maggie; you really would. Yeah, I get your meaning and I feel the same, you know that right?" The older woman nodded. Stuffing the tests in her bag (to make sure no one saw – she'd dispose of them later) she left quickly so Maggie wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. She adored the older woman, but letting her guard down that much wasn't her way.

After she'd gone, Maggie picked up the empty boxes and put them in the bin thinking it was a real shame the younger woman didn't believe Sergei completely loved her; coz he did.

0-0-0-0-0-0

When she got back Kirill was sat on the porch waiting for her; leaning against the wall, one leg bent supporting his arm as he looked out at the yard – he looked relaxed, but his face spoke reams; she sighed "oh _bugger_."

She got out of the truck and walked past as he got to his feet and followed her inside "Where the hell have you been!" he demanded.

"I went to town."

"What for, we only went in two days ago!"

"I went to see Maggie."

"Why? Is she sick!"

"_No;_ I just wanted a chat."

"You couldn't phone her like you normally do for the two of you to prattle about crap!"

She looked at where he'd grasped her arm "you're going to leave a mark you know."

He ignored her "Why go and _see_ her!"

"I wanted to; I didn't know I had to get a permission slip – my bad." She jerked her arm loose and went to fill the kettle. She wanted to cry, to yell, to beg someone to make her feel better; she didn't know whether to be disappointed or pleased at the outcome.

"What is it? You're sick – is that it?"

She shook her head "No, I'm not sick - I'm honestly not." she sighed "Look….I just need a bit of space occasionally yeah?" she forced a smile as she turned to him "I'm fine."

He held her face in his hands and studied her "I don't believe you."

She jerked away, dropped the kettle on the counter and stormed out "Fine, _don't _bloody believe me – see what I care!" it was easier to fight, than to deal with soft words and gentle hands……he'd have her in tears, he'd kiss her and then she'd tell him anything he wanted to know; right now there was no point – what good would it do?

She just needed to get away, to have some space to breathe; to deal with her warring emotions - whether disappoint or pleasure, she had to think and she couldn't do that with him so close to her.

She moved her bag on the way, before making for the barn – she didn't even saddle Charity this time and took off on her bareback.

He ran out after her shouting at her to stop. He went to go after her, but realised there'd been something about the way she'd handled her bag…..rummaging around in it, trying to make sure he didn't touch it.

He went back inside and picked it up – he groped around for a few moments until his hands closed on what felt like two pens; when he pulled them out and looked at them he froze "_SHIT!"_

He took off after her still clutching the two pregnancy tests – both with the little positive screens holding a _very_ dark blue line…………..


	9. Confrontation

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

_**THE KIRILL EFFECT  
**_

**Chapter Nine – Confrontation**

He found her lying on the ground not far from where they'd ended up after their first night together. He shook his head; they'd been at it like rabbits for over a year, so he shouldn't be surprised she was now carrying his child.

But what did upset and anger him was she didn't seem pleased; was she even going to tell him, or just slip off and get rid of it?

When he found her, laying on the ground it was a case of lighting blue touch paper and standing back…..

"Were you even going to bother telling me, or just get rid of it!" he flung the two pregnancy tests on the ground in front of her.

She was finally breathing better and clambering to her feet, she'd been a little winded from where she'd fallen off Charity. Luckily the horse had only been ambling along once she was out of sight of the house, being the relatively lazy beast she was; so Jess doubted she'd done any damage.

Kirill obviously wasn't of the same mind "Is that why you rode that damn nag bareback so this would happen and you'd lose it?"

He felt the sting as she slapped him, hurt and anger in her eyes "I would _never_ intentionally hurt my baby, you bastard!"

"_MY_ baby too!" he corrected.

"SHUT UP! You listen to _me_! I would _not_ hurt my baby, I would never do anything to risk it – _ever_!" she looked at the tests "what gives you the right to go through my stuff anyway!"

"How else am I to find out Jess? How long have you known?" he grabbed her to him "the truth!"

She managed to glance at her watch "I've known for _certain_ for precisely 45 minutes." She looked him in the eye " I've _suspected _for a couple of days, but I couldn't believe it….so today I went to Maggie and I did the test – two of them" she glanced down to the little white sticks "That's when I knew for sure."

"Why couldn't you believe it? Why weren't you taking the pill?" he shook her slightly "I could've used protection if the idea of having my child was so _abhorrent_ to you!"

"Shut up, shut _up_!" she cried yanking away from him "you don't know everything about me!"

"I can see that!"

"Oh you bastard!" she went to walk off, but he could see she was limping slightly.

"What have you done to yourself!" he grabbed her again.

"Nothing, I banged my hip when I fell that's all! Just leave me _alone_!"

"I _can't_! God help me, but I can't!" he ground his lips against hers "you're in my blood, I've never cared for anyone; never given a damn about anything, not even myself! Then you helped me that day and everything changed…."

She suddenly hugged onto him "they told me I couldn't have children – not _ever_" she whispered into his ear "they said it was impossible."

He stood back, frowning "what?"

"I…….I always wanted a family; husband, couple of kids, a dog – you know all the picket fence stuff" she sighed "I don't know, I had it all planned. He'd come in from work and I'd say "hey daddy!" and he'd take a minute to realise what I meant and then hug me, laugh in delight and swing me round….everything would be perfect." She shook her head "then I found out, thanks to Lewis Seavers, not all men are like that and that life is _very_ far from perfect."

"Who said you couldn't have children?" he was calming rapidly; she hadn't said she _didn't_ want his baby, in fact she was implying the opposite.

She sat down; her hip was aching a bit now, she was going to have lovely bruise tomorrow "the doctors at the hospital told me, very categorical they were; "We're very sorry Miss Jefferson, but there is far too much scar tissue – you will never be able to have children." It was a year after it happened; I'd tried so hard to be strong. The hospital, rehab, the court case – everything; I honestly thought I was getting on, putting my life back together, not letting him beat me."

She smiled sadly at Kirill "I realised then I'd been a fool – he had wrecked my life, all I'd ever wanted was gone. I went home, my parents were there waiting for me. But when I told them, they just told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and pull myself together. They pointed out that they'd been together for a long time before they'd had children, and would've been quite happy not to have had any at all, so they didn't see why I was so upset.

But _I_ wanted a family; people who I could love and who'd love me back. But they told me to pull myself together and left; my mother saying she couldn't watch me wallowing in misery for no good reason, that it was all too much for her. They said they'd be back the following morning and would expect me to be "back to normal".

When they left I sat there for ages, looking around my little flat….thinking this was going to be my life from now on. No kids meant no husband….no _future_…I realised I couldn't face it – to be alone like that; so I went out into the kitchen, took a carving knife and slit my wrists" her voice was desolate, empty of emotion.

"Did you change your mind and call for help?" Kirill now asked softly his anger completely gone; wondering how, with that kind of quiet determination to die, she'd been found.

Jess shook her head "Oh no, I _meant_ to do it, I wanted to _die_. It was my granddad who found me. He'd phoned them and they'd told him the outcome and what they'd said to me; he was really angry and they'd had a big row, so he'd come round to see if I was alright.

He couldn't get any answer from the front so, thinking I'd gone to lie down or something, he came round the back and let himself in with my spare key under the mat. He'd found me in the kitchen, blood all over the floor. I remember him looking at me and saying "Oh _God_, Kerry. _God_ what have you done!"

But I felt so tired; I told him to just leave, that no one would notice or care. He said, really quietly "_I_ care and I would _never_ forgive myself, you're my best girl"; then I heard him calling an ambulance.

My parents went mental; my mother said I'd brought more shame on them and caused them more disappointment. I've never been sure whether she meant it was by trying to kill myself or not actually succeeding. I think they would've found my funeral less of a chore than my survival apparently was."

For his part Kirill was very, very happy they were dead - if they hadn't , they soon would have been. No one would ever treat her like that again and continue to breathe.

She took a deep breath and looked at him "Look, if you don't want this baby that's alright – I totally understand. It's a shock; God, _I_ was shocked. But….but I can't, _won't_, get rid of it; I'll go away and we'll never bother you I promise. I'll never betray you, I'll never even speak of you I swear to _God_ – but I can't get rid of my baby Kirill." Her voice was barely a whisper at the end.

"You're not leaving me – not _ever._ I don't care; kids or no kids, it wouldn't have mattered to me. But you're having _my_ baby; it's _mine _and _I_ get to say what happens too. I say we're keeping _our_ baby – we'll figure out what to do afterwards. This life of ours is insane, but also kind of normal – at least for us; any kid of ours will cope."

She sat there staring at him for a long moment, and then launched herself at him; he was taken aback as she never instigated anything except the odd brief hug and that first night.

She kissed him fervently and with a groan he hauled her against him. Relief washed over him, the darker side of his nature didn't want to analyse why – but in a way he already knew; she wanted the baby _very_ much and she _wasn't_ leaving him. Whatever else happened he could cope with.

She kissed him hard, her tongue pushing into his mouth; her hands found their way under his shirt, the buttons popping as she pulled it up. He was groaning into her mouth as she fought with his belt….trying to push her away "What about the baby? If they think you might have problems….."

But she was biting and kissing his neck and he lost all ability to think coherently as he pulled her tight to him and began to kiss the breath from her……………….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Much, much later they were lying tight together when he suddenly rolled her onto her back – he ignored the surprised look on her face as he bent down and kissed her stomach.

When he looked up he saw tears in her eyes "is this the pregnancy hormones I've read about? Should I be scared?"

She slapped his shoulder "No, it's just….I didn't think you'd want to keep it." She stroked his hair "and now, here you are kissing my fat belly."

"Not yet, but it will be – very fat with _my_ big strong son." He kissed her stomach again.

"What if it's a daughter?" she arched an eyebrow.

"Then she will be her papa's little princess and I will kill any boy that tries to hurt her."

"Oh way to scare off potential son-in-laws" she smiled, then sobered "You'll have to be Sergei all the time – kids have a tendency to chat and tell people things; they're not good with secrets."

He slid up her body and nuzzled her neck "So long as you call me Kirill when I….." he nibbled her earlobe "do this or" he kissed her deeply "this or……more" he grinned wolfishly "then I will be content to be Sergei the rest of the time."

She sighed and pulled him to her once more…….

0-0-0-0-0

Later they were in the bath together when the phone rang "that'll be Maggie….." she smiled.

Kirill turned her to face him slightly, arching an eyebrow "you are telepathic now?"

"_No_ – but I figured she'd call if she hadn't heard from me……" Jess grinned as he pulled her back as she went to rise from the tub "I need to answer it…."

"Niet, you don't. She can wait another 20 minutes or so." He looked at her in such a way she edged away from him slightly.

"You know you have a _very_ predatory look Kirill." She eyed him slowly "it's actually quite unnerving."

"Still Kirill?" he asked as he turned her fully and pulled her back towards him, placing kisses on her shoulder and her neck.

"Might as well make the most of it while we can………" she sighed, as she hugged closer to him.

0-0-0-0-0

Eventually they got out of the now stone cold bath and Jess went and rang Maggie; telling her everything was fine and that he was apparently happy about it.

The older woman had crowed in delight at being proved right; and the "I told you so's", though only in so many words, flowed thick and fast for the rest of the conversation.

She was shivering even in her dressing gown so went and put on her PJ's underneath. When she came back Kirill was sitting on the floor with his back against the armchair, he was staring into the fire he'd banked up; she smiled – he was barefoot and had on that old tatty navy blue t-shirt as well as the ripped jeans she thought he looked sexy in; she hadn't noticed before, being too caught up in blind hysteria probably.

She knelt in front of him, he looked so thoughtful "You okay?"

He pulled her to him "Da, I was just thinking in a few months I will be a papa." He nuzzled her hair as she settled with her back against his chest and her head on his shoulder "how many months have we got like this?"

"What, shagging like rampant bunnies with no thoughts of being spotted?"

Before she could go on, he cut in "Niet, I meant like _this_ – before sleepless nights, nappies and teething take over."

"Ah right" she was a little taken aback – she hadn't been sure he was even into this side of things as it went beyond their 'friends with benefits' scenario, she thought he'd been doing it for her benefit "not sure, I need to go see the Doc. He'll let me know for definite; but at a seriously rough guess I think I might be about three months along as I'm feeling sick and tired, and that usually starts around then."

He put his hand on her belly "When will he start to move?"

"Another couple of months, I think before _she_ moves about; it's usually about 4-5 months in." she smiled "the fact I've got to three months is a good sign; most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks."

He nodded against her hair "I'm going to be a Papa in 6 months – about June then?"

"Yeah, about June." She smiled – she was going to have her family after all.

He grinned into her hair…………his life was pretty good thanks to her, and about to get better.

0-0-0-0-0

Later that night as she was snuggled up to him, he stroked her back in the darkness "we should have a tree next year and decorations; he'd be old enough to notice wouldn't he?"

"_She_ will be 6 months old; so yeah she'd notice the bright lights and stuff."

He chuckled "so sure it won't be a boy?"

"So sure it won't be a girl?"

He tugged her on top of him, she rested her head on his chest and looked into his eyes "so long as the baby is healthy I do not really care."

The moonlight was shining through the window, and she could see his face clearly – she suddenly felt she had to tell him the truth and bugger the consequences; they'd come too far now anyway for this constant pretence of hers "I love you Kirill, I love you so much it scares me; I think I have for quite a while."

He hugged her tightly and smiled "I wondered how long it would take you to catch me up."


	10. Epilogue

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people!_**

**_THE BOURNE SUPREMACY_**

_**THE KIRILL EFFECT  
**_

**Chapter Ten – Epilogue**

It had been five years since Pamela Landy had any contact Kirill or Jess; it was funny how she still used _his_ real name but Kerry had always been Jess to her ever since she'd got her new identity.

She hadn't had much contact with them; she knew from the last time they'd spoken they seemed to be doing well (so much so that the agency had decided to cease payments to them three years previously – but the couple hadn't minded). And, as she suspected, they seemed to be getting along well enough – especially considering the circumstances of their beginnings.

She stopped at the store come pub in Haparangi and asked directions to the Vasiliev ranch. Maggie looked the woman up and down suspiciously "what's it to you?"

Pamela vaguely remember Jess mentioning a cover story she'd given should Landy ever visit and be asked, she smiled and lied smoothly "I'm Jess' older sister June. I've been working away in the US for a long time, but finally had a break and decided to come visit my little sister."

Maggie broke into a smile "aww love, sorry to be a bit sharp but we're a close knit little lot round here; don't like outsiders much. Those two, well Jess especially, are our favourites; especially mine and my Bernie's – she's a good girl, like a daughter to us."

"Oh that's alright, nice to know she's in safe hands." Landy was pleased that the couple had fitted in so well and Jess had someone to turn to other than Kirill.

"Well there's none safer than that man of hers, but thanks for the compliment anyway."

Landy got back to the point in hand "It's been a while since I've been there and, terrible as it is, I forgot the way."

They chuckled together and Maggie gave her the directions……

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Eventually she drew up into the yard and got out of the car; Kirill came out from round the side of the truck wiping oily hands on a rag; he looked nothing like she remembered – his hair was longer, he had on a singlet and ripped jeans (both oily); nothing like the ex-assassin she'd last seen. He was followed by a little boy of about 3½. He had spiky dark hair like his father, and had the same hazel green eyes as he did; she could see he was Kirill's as clear as day.

The Russian eyed her warily; she put her hand up and smiled "it's just a social call; no ulterior motives I swear. I was in Auckland and thought I'd come by and see how you are" she looked at the boy "very well it would seem."

Just then she heard Jess' voice "Serge? Who is it? Didn't sound like our Maggie's heap" she saw Pamela and the agent's reception couldn't have been more different "Pamela! Oh wow, it's _so_ nice to see you!" She went and hugged the agent.

Landy noticed two, identical, little girls toddle out behind her – they looked about 18 months old. "I see you've been very busy!" she chuckled.

"Mama!" the little boy eyed Landy as warily as his father was still doing "who is the lady?"

Jess smiled and replied smoothly "she's mama's big sister, Luka. We don't see her too often as she's very busy."

"LUKA!" the little girl's yelled in unison, not happy at being ignored; their older brother went straight over to them, and they hugged round him – Pam could see they wrapped him round their little fingers.

"This is Anouska" she pointed to one little girl "and this is Larissa" she smiled at the second little dot.

"She never told me twins were in her family" Kirill suddenly smiled at Jess.

She grinned at him even though she spoke to Landy "Come in Pam, come in – how long can you stay?"

"Not more than a couple of days, if that's alright?"

Kirill rolled his eyes, but Jess smiled "of course it is."

They left the children playing outside as Kirill worked on the truck while she went in the house with Landy, as she passed him Kirill grabbed her arm and stared intensely at her "I don't like it, why now?"

"She's CIA – why do they do anything?" she smiled at him and rubbed her thumb between his eyes "don't frown, you'll get wrinkles."

"I won't frown……if you kiss me" he grinned.

She kissed him and he tugged her to him, deliberately deepening the kiss until he felt her sag against him; her hands finding their way into his hair.

Luka rolled his eyes "do you have to suck face so much?"

Kirill turned an arched eyebrow on his son "one day boy, you'll want to do it."

"EWWWW - I don't want cooties!"

Jess laughed as she left them to it and followed Landy in.

"I didn't think you could have kids?"

"So did I – so did the doctors; guess we were _all _wrong."

"You look so happy." Landy smiled at the grinning woman.

"I am; _he_ makes me happy, I love him so much that sometimes I see him walk into the house and I have to remember to breathe." She smiled and blushed "though if you ever tell him that I'll have to kill you, he's got a big enough head already."

"He doesn't trust me." It was a statement.

"No, he doesn't – he sees you as our old life now; something he thought was gone, especially since the agency stopped paying us" She sobered as a thought suddenly struck her"Bourne's not coming after him is he?"

"What? Oh no, no Jess – Bourne's long gone; he had his chance to shoot him and he didn't." she smiled ruefully "I am really here on business in Aukland…..but to be honest I had to check something. There was a rumour doing the rounds that you'd killed him."

"Who?" suddenly realisation dawned "_Why?"_

Allegedly he drove you so crazy you killed him, for various reasons really, and then…..well, one version is you realised you loved him and so then killed yourself……"

"Oh very Romeo and Juliet" Jess rolled her eyes.

"And the other is you absconded, after disposing of the body in lime."

"Right; so why hasn't anyone come looking for me? I mean it sounds like some believe I murdered him."

"Well, he didn't really endear himself to people; _so_….."

"Basically they're going to let me get away with _murder_!" she laughed out loud "oh you wait until I tell him _that_ one!"

Suddenly the object of their conversation came in with a squirming Luka under his arm…..although it could have been anyone's child he was so covered in mud…

"Oh my _God_, what _happened!_" she asked incredulously.

"Oh wait, it gets better – our boy here and our girls thought it would be fun to have a mud fight…..you'd think their hair was mud coloured…."

She rounded up her daughters, told Landy to make herself comfortable, before helping Kirill bathe them.

The agent chuckled as she heard all the giggles coming from the bathroom,and Jess laughing about how the mud would block the drain as they'd brought half of New Zealand in with them; before seeing the naked little boy go shrieking past as his laughing father tried to catch him – she had to take a moment to remember who the man was.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Later on when the children were in bed they sat in the large open plan living room/diner/kitchen. Jess sat on the floor between Kirill's legs, resting her head back against his thigh. For his part, he ran his fingers absently through her hair as he stared down at her.

There was nothing sexual in the actions – but Landy couldn't shake the feeling they were communicating in some way, as Jess reached up and squeezed his fingers with a small smile; and he returned it. She hadn't looked round, so there was no way she could know he'd smiled at her, but her smile had widened anyway.

Shaking herself Landy began to chat to them about the past five years….

"So, how did the bath hold up?"

"Okay once I got the plunger to it – I'll get some drain cleaner down it tomorrow first thing…."

"I've already done it….the bath'll be fine in the morning." Kirill muttered.

She grinned "Ah, yeah….the morning bath." She saw Landy looking "Only time we get to have some quiet time."

"What about the kids?"

"Maggie takes them for an hour or so; it's not like it's every day….."

"It is." Kirill interrupted.

"The two of us _bathing_ isn't!" Jess smiled returning her attention to Landy "Maggie's brilliant. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"She said she sees you as a daughter."

Kirill rolled his eyes behind Jess' back; she slapped his leg without looking and Landy marvelled at their connection once more.

"How have you been?"

"Fine; well, _more_ than fine actually." Jess grinned.

"Still have the nightmares?"

"Oh God so rarely now it's not worth mentioning."

"When did the kids happen?"

"Luka's 3½ and the girl's are 18 months."

"They're all gorgeous." Landy smiled.

"Indeed they are – even Luka, though he's the spit of his father and drives me equally as mad." She grinned again as the man behind her squeezed her shoulder.

"The twins are so like you – red hair, blue eyes."

"Da, they will break many hearts when they are older." Kirill smiled as if this was a good thing.

"So he didn't know you were one of twins?"

"No, I never thought to mention it – it was a very painful time for me, especially as it was then my parents had really turned on me." She sighed and Kirill pulled her up onto his lap.

"It's not her business; you don't need to speak of it." He reassured her in Russian.

"I see you still speak Russian then?"

"Yes the children are already fluent in both English and Russian – Sergei and I find it better to speak Russian here" she grinned at the man with his arms now tight around her waist "no misunderstandings."

"You don't call him Kirill anymore?"

"I do…..but not generally." They smiled again, and she leant her forehead to his.

Landy got the feeling that this was a long running private joke between them.

Jess looked at her "I was telling you about my sister wasn't I?" she patted Kirill's arm "its fine, its fine." She turned slightly so she could lean back against him, he nuzzled her hair.

"Was it very terrible?"

Kirill rolled his eyes "Her twin sister died when she was 7 and her parents hated her even more, so niet it was a picnic."

Jess patted his arm again "play nice or _I _won't play later."

He sighed, muttering something in Russian.

"You know the general details, so the condensed version of the rest is my sister and I were identical twins – so I don't know why my parents favoured her over me, but they did. It didn't matter to us, we were incredibly close."

She closed her eyes at the memories "When we were 7 we contracted meningitis. Despite being the brighter of the two of us Larissa was sicklier than me; she died and I didn't. My parents never forgave me – they'd never wanted children anyway, but she'd made us bearable to them. Suddenly they were stuck with just me – I was forced live both our lives, and even then whatever I did was never good enough; I think because I was a living, breathing _identical_ reminder of the _wanted_ child they'd lost.

So I buried it all – and moved on. It wasn't that Larissa didn't exist; she was just too painful to remember. Then I had the girls and I realised it was okay to mourn, it was okay to remember her."

She smiled "although Larissa is apparently a Russian name; I have it on good authority" she reached back and stroked Kirill's cheek, he pressed a kiss into her palm "it was also my sister's name and I wanted to honour her. The only difference is, unlike my parents, all _my_ children are very wanted and very much loved."

"Planning any more?"

"No, three's enough – and I had a really bad time with the girls. They were delivered by C-Section in the end and I nearly died. Doctor's have said _definitely_ no more – my insides are all a mess now anyway."

Kirill closed his eyes; he hated remembering how he nearly lost her – the dark void that began to swallow him up once more. The buzzing in his head getting louder again, the headaches, all of it coming back with a vengeance; then she'd opened her eyes and smiled at him, and he began to claw his way back to her.

He had never told her, not a word – but he was glad there would be no more children. He loved his kids, he really did; hadn't thought he would as much as he did. But he couldn't risk losing her again…..he wouldn't cope if she died; he wouldn't even try, just put a bullet in his head.

Jess was still chatting to Landy "I'm not sad, no – I have three wonderful children, a brilliant bloke….."

"That's not what you said yesterday when you threatened to strangle me with the horse reins."

"Yeah, well you drive me to it." But she was grinning.

"So…you're happy?"

"And this is New Zealand." Kirill rolled his eyes "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were having a 'state the obvious' contest."

Jess slapped his arm but giggled "what did I say about playing nice?"

"You know you are decidedly too bossy – this must be remedied, and now I think." He stood up, sweeping her into his arms as he did so "Goodnight Landy – the sofa pulls out into a bed and there is duvet and pillows there."

Jess struggled, but gave up when he started kissing her. As he turned to carry her through their bedroom door, Landy could see her toes curl.

The agent grinned '_oh, this had to have been one of my best solutions yet'._

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Inside the room Kirill tossed Jess on the bed, before following her down "tell me you love me."

She wrapped her arms round his neck "you know I do."

"Tell me……go on, tell me you love me" he grinned evilly at her "tell me that you can't breathe when I walk in a room sometimes."

She tried to push him off "You _listened!"_ she hissed in scandalised tones.

"Da, I am an ex-assassin" he shrugged, even as he kept her tucked underneath him "some habits are hard to break."

"Fine….." she sighed exasperatedly "I love you…." he began to kiss her slowly - very slowly and the annoyance dropped out of her voice "I love you, I love you so much." She breathe in his ear.

"Say my name, my _real _name." his tongue traced its way around her neck to that point just behind her ear.

"_Kirill –_ oh Kirill, I love you more than you'll know……"

A long time later he rolled her over on top of him; staring into her eyes he told her straight "I'll never let you leave me."

"Why would I?" Jess stroked his face "I couldn't survive without my heart; you learn that in Biology 101."

Despite the joke he knew what she meant and he crushed her to him again.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As Landy left the next day, knowing that as far as Kirill was concerned she'd already outstayed her welcome – with him anyway - she looked in her rear view mirror at the couple and their children; Kirill was holding the two girls in his arms and Jess the little boy.

She wouldn't bother them again. She could see the Russian didn't want her around, he was suspicious of her; they had it sussed, as Jess put it, and she knew they didn't need her nosing into their life.

No, she'd let them live their lives now – the children would forget her; and Jess would think of some smooth lie to cover the fact that her 'sister' never visited until even the people in town forgot.

She thought about them all the way back to Auckland; she'd never been one for believing in fate or destiny – but if ever two people _were_ fated to meet it was them.

She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jess had saved Kirill; he would not only live thanks to her, not ending up dead at the wrong end of some other assassin's gun, but she'd given him a life he hadn't thought possible.

Yes, she'd saved him; but, strangely, the CIA agent knew he'd saved her too - from herself.

Two damaged people finding some semblance of peace together; dark to dark maybe - but through that they'd also found a little light.

She envied them…..Oh God, how she envied them.


End file.
